"Why wait?"

It seems as of late I've found that I've never been more content, happy, or at peace with myself and the direction of my life than at any other time in my life. Not all the experiences that have gotten me here along my life journey were what I expected or wanted. In fact, many weren't. But I live with no regrets.

I'm consistently amazed at how little (if at all) I miss certain things or people who truly just brought me down. I've learned to distance myself or completely cut off those associations. I no longer want to have a relationship, a truly deep relationship that is, with anyone who doesn't truly want one back or who doesn't bring me up or who just is poison, ultimately, in my life. I'm also consistently amazed about the confirmations I get about those decisions being right and were what I needed to make.

Have I cried lots of tears along my 30 year journey? Yes, but as of late, they are tears of joy and laughter. I find myself laughing more, and enjoying life more to the full. I've got a ways to go in my journey. I'm certainly no complete project. But, knowing that I'm working towards my purpose in life and building deeper and stronger relationships with those who deserve to be in my life, who I need to be in my life, and who I actually want in my life and vice versa on all accounts is truly freeing.

This leads to my ponderings over waiting...

My nephew, Andrew, 5, said something that struck a note with me. I was in the nursery on Sunday morning at church taking care of the little bits and when my Sister (in-law) came to pick up my baby nephew, David, 16.5 months, Andrew followed shortly with my brother (his Daddy). I told him I wanted a kiss and a hug. He said ok, at this point a half door in our way, and I said, "well let's wait until after church at Nana and Papa's." His immediate response was, "Why wait?" I couldn't have been more elated or touched that he said that, and, of course, I immediately went out there and collected the love I had asked for.

Why wait? Oh my how those words are strong. I waited to cut ties with poisonous people and things in my life and that never truly brought me anything positive, but prolonged stress and hurtfulness. I waited to confront issues in my failed relationship with my ex, and that brought heartache. I waited to pursue my dream, and that slowed down my momentum. I waited... oh waiting, how that, in what seems to be most situations, isn't really the answer.

But then waiting, in some instances, can be superbly beneficial. I waited for 11 months (tried a year... lol) before considering dating anyone seriously. When the right time came, though, I didn't wait. And the reasoning for waiting in that instance was sound and founded on the right premise. Truly, waiting is most appropriate when we wait on the Lord and His will for the path of our lives. That's where I will learn to wait upon those things that He calls me to in this life. Otherwise, no more waiting. I will grab the bull by the horns and take control of those things in my life that I can control. In the end, it is only in faith that I will choose to wait on something, not my own understanding only.

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Drawing the Line

Oh how I wish I had learned sooner. Sometimes you really have to see something's dark side for what it is before you draw the line. This being said I do realize I have my own dark side and faults as well. I just choose to grow myself and become a better me on a regular basis to override those.

I've been thinking a lot about how I've drawn the line in the last few months of my life. I came to the realization that I had actually drawn the line around my 30th birthday. I had been told on several occasions that I was wearing myself too thin. I cared too much (especially when it comes to brick walls). I tried to please everyone to a fault. To my own detriment. It was tiring and I was worn to the core. It was as though if you just overstepped me by one bit, you'd pretty much be out. Ironically, to those whose got called out, they thought there were many when indeed there were really only very few.

What it all comes down to is what is something, a relationship, a friendship, a personal goal really worth to you? I had gotten so sick and tired of the falsities around me. It started with seeing true natures around me. I was given hope, then it was shattered. I got told to shut it and so I did. And when the lack of response was too much for the other, it led to permanent severage. And I didn't look back. I didn't shed a tear. I was relieved. At first I thought, "Shouldn't I feel guilty?" But then I realized that without poison in my life, no matter what it is, the fog is lifted. Suddenly, I was carrying myself differently. I was happier. I didn't have to worry so much. And it was VERY noticeable.

I spoke with my sister (in-law) and she told me something very true right after my 30th birthday. She said some things/people/etc come into your life for a season and a reason. Wow. Yes. And that purpose ultimately taught me a few, albeit hard, lessons. Things aren't always as they seem and I really had overlooked the red flags. And really, had done so for far too long.

I've found that the best thing that any negative in my life can do is prove me right. Prove my decisions to cut the chains as the best possible decisions I've made. And golly did it reveal where my focuses in life needed to be. And it reinforced my PMA (positive mental attitude).

The sadder aspect is where those negatives are left. Perhaps, they are left with a negative view of me and my decisions. Perhaps, they are left with what's left of their own negativity or even left with nothing/one at all. Perhaps, all in all, they've found that they were portraying something that really wasn't true. Perhaps, they lost their why and the pursuit of purpose. Perhaps, they are only left with emptyness and broken hearts. All I know is that in my heart, I feel peace. And that, my friends, is one of the best things in life. No regrets. Some things in life are far more important...