Sunday, April 17, 2011

Old Journal Entry from the Year 2000

Wow... so tonight I read through a "sappy" love/life journal from 1998-2000 and the following is an entry from the start of the year in 2000. I thought it was powerful. In fact, I kinda exclaimed outloud, "Wow!"

I don't think it was written about any one person (not that I can remember), and it seems there are some possible religious references as well. So here goes:
***
I am...
I am but a pawn in this game of love.
Surrounded by pieces ready to take me; yet my goal to check the king is seemingly so far away.
The currents rip my heart apart, tearing my fragile soul to pieces.
Like a magnet, I am drawn to the opposite pole, the one who seemingly forces me to him.
How can this be?
He is the light, the sun I am drawn to when I am stuck in the darkness so full of loss and chaos amongst the others who search.
The everlasting candle when the others burn out and melt, leading my path in life.
When I can't go another step up the staircase called life, he picks me up and carries me like I am crippled.
But I am! Crippled by this thing called love; as its uncompassionate nature gauges voids in my already sore heart.
Love tortures my heart as it hangs from the gallows, teased and smitten by those who seemingly cared about it.
Can love so strong ever be felt by such a one for me?
I am pricked by love's beautiful rose as I pull it closer to my bossom.
Love is but a poison to the lips, not destroying, but negatively affecting.
Like a wolf in sheeps clothing, it waits to pounce and maul my heart.
I am addicted to love's security and the feeling of being wanted and cared for like a drug that will eventually, if taken in the long term without success may kill me.
Like a fly to fly paper, I don't know how to save myself, until I am pulled to safety from love's quicksand truly, madly, and deeply!
****
Did that not have you going WOW, too? I am trying to remember the anguish I must have been feeling at 17. Sometimes, I can still relate to these same thoughts I had back then. It's all apart of the journey though. I press on.
 Me at 17 (Senior Prom)