Monday, January 31, 2005

5 Years Since High School!

Wow. Can you believe that I got an email a week or so ago letting me know about my 5 year High School Reunion? I feel so old, yet I am so NOT old. I just think its funny, especially since my fiance will have his 10-year reunion next year.

I've been thinking over the last few days what it's going to be like going there and seeing how everyone has changed and such. I can surely say that I am not the same person that I was 5 years ago. I certainly wouldn't want to go back to my high school years, though they were good.

I was talking with Andrea and Renee not so long ago about people, crushes, and memories over our every few months tradition of going to The Cheesecake Factory, and I always enjoy finding out about my former classmates. It's neat to see how people's goals and relationships have changed or developed.

As I pondered upon that very subject concerning myself, I thought I'd write about what I would say to everyone there at the reunion, should I go (which I am planning to at this point).

So let's see..... I graduated college. I actually miss those days up at App. I was putting some pictures into some albums and ran across a lot of pictures from those days. I always hated the stress, especially when it came to organic chemistry. I don't know what it is about that subject, but I just have a hard time. However, I loved being there despite the sharp wind and snow.

I made a new life goal. I always had imagined being a doctor since I was young, but I never set it in stone until I set my major. I think back to high school and I remember imagining myself as a pilot, astronaut, doctor, or missionary somewhere. I never thought I would like or enjoy teaching. Though I have thoroughly enjoyed teaching science and Spanish, it's just not my life's goal.

The next part about becoming a doctor becomes getting into medical school. I have learned to be patient in this process and just keep trying. Even the words, "we are interested in pursuing your candidacy," be it with/without an interview gets me excited (VCU). I tried to get in this past fall, but it was a blessing that I didn't. I wouldn't have been able to put money aside or plan a wedding. Which leads me to my next point....

I've been checking out the people who have joined the Yahoo! Group for our class and it's simply amazing how many people are either in committed relationships or married. Here I am, 5 years later and I am getting married! I wonder what people might think of that!? I kindof knew I would probably be married by my mid-twenties. It was just inevitable for me.

It's funny how people come and go when it comes to friendships and classmates from the past. I hung out with a few people from my class in college as they just happened to be there, or were already my friends. Then, there are the relationships with people that you didn't have in high school (but who went to the same high school) that you make in college. This happened to me. I got to know a Enloeite at App that I had heard of (by namesake) in high school but just never knew. Lo and behold, we became friends and close, and now she is a bridesmaid in my wedding. Ironic? Maybe.

I really need to be better about getting on AIM. A lot of the people I have been able to keep up with over the years has been because of that. Then there are the people who changed their names and didn't tell me. Shame on you! I miss a lot of those people and feel bad that I have been such a bum friend. Perhaps the reunion is just the place to rebuild those relationships.

All of this being said, I do not dread the reunion. I do wish I can impress people with what I've accomplished in life thus far, but 5 years is not a lot of time to accomplish much. Beyond that, I look forwards to seeing everyone and introducing them to my future husband.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Snow reeks Havoc!

So, I thought living in Boone was bad when it snowed. But, truly, there is no comparison to the panic attacks that Raleighites and Durhamites have when little flakes start to fall. Talk about Hades on Earth!

The Meteorologists completely missed it. It was a sneak attack by some moisture hiding out in our upper atmosphere. It was as if the snow was dying to give a surprise "party" to us central North Carolinians.

I would say it started to snow yesterday as I made my trek across campus at about 11:25am. As I walked, the little flakes and the wind began to annoy me. I thought to myself, "I'm not living in the mountains anymore! It shouldn't be snowing here!" I went in to my office shortly thereafter to only look out the window and see more flakes. Okay, so I was completely underestimating the panic that these flakes would send our part of the state into. I trusted my local weather forecasts. Why did they deceive me?

As the afternoon progressed on, an ESL teacher called in to ask me if I could go let his students know that he was going to be late. He was stuck in traffic. I wasn't prepared for what I would see next. I went outside to trek to the otherside of campus and found a mini-winter wonderland. The snow had been sticking to the roads and Lawson hill became Lawson Nightmare. Cars couldn't make it up our 15 degree incline! It reminded me of Stadium Dr. on a cold, snowy winter's day in Boone. This, however, was just the start of the nightmares.

Durham Tech decided to close early at 4pm (church was cancelled, too). I left at about that time to discover a 1/4 inch of snow on my car that was easily brushed off by my scraper brush. Then, I started to pull out of the parking lot. As it so happened to be, a guy in a white car did not look as he pulled out in front of me. No, he did not hit me nor I him, but I had to slam my breaks and slide to a halt. Needless to say, I laid on my horn (hey, I only honked twice yesterday!).

Luckily, they had scraped Lawson hill when it was time for my adventure home. However, as I approached the stop sign, I noticed that the Durham Freeway was a dead stop, literally. So I made a quick decision to turn right and cut over to Alston St., NC 55. Everything going that way was great until we got within 2 miles of the road that would cut me over to my back route. Thanks be to God that He gave me the foresight, at all, to take an alternate route than I-40. I will explain shortly.

It was stop an roll all the way for that long 2 mile stretch. By the time we made it to the turn, 30 minutes had gone by. Little did I know that it would be another hour and 45 minutes to make it just to Cary (granted, my ride is only 20-25 minutes on a normal day). We picked up for a 1/4 mile on Cornwalis until we stopped, crawled, and rolled all the way to Davis Dr. As we crossed over top the Durham Freeway, I noticed it was still stopped (I had seen it stopped 5 miles back). I knew I-40 was bad.

Once I turned onto Davis Dr. (which happens to cut all the way over to Cary if you didn't already know), it picked up for another 1/4 mile, but I could see the break lights 1/4 mile back. This route allowed me to see the chaos that was I-40. It was dead stop, and yet people were still trying to get on it. Why? Why? Do you not have common-sense and a radio blaring the warnings?

Davis Dr. wasn't a bad drive. Tim, my brother, was in the car, and I felt like a hero. We were definitely moving faster than I-40! He even called me "smart" which is pretty unusual for him to say! At least, all the sliding and speeding idiots weren't behind me anymore (as they were earlier).

Over the radio, they kept asking people to only make calls if they had to because the phone system (all aspects) was overloading and some people couldn't even get through to call 911. Yet, as I drove, the opposite side of traffic had a cell phone user at least every three cars!

I was so excited when I started to drive 25mph and then 35mph. We made it to Cary, turned onto High House Rd and, Lo and Behold, no traffic, clear roads, and two open lanes. It only took us 10-15 minutes from that point home.

Our total trip time: 2 and a half hours.

If we had been on I-40, our total trip time would have been 6 hours (as one of my co-workers found out the hard way). Truly, yesterday was the first day that I ever regretted working in Durham.

The problems extended from the fact that this was a freak snow storm. We didn't even get that much snow, but because they let out all the public schools early and everyone had to get off at the same time to pick up their kids, the volume of traffic and the inability for snow plows and salting trucks to get through caused the worst traffic nightmare that I have ever seen these 22 years of living in this area!

Many children never made it home from school, having a slumber party with their teachers at their school (that stinks because they cancelled school today). People were stranded. Grocery stores were raided. Good Samaritans abounded. Parking Lot highways. Accidents Galore. Jack-knifed trucks everywhere. Sliding cars. Spinning tires. Abandoned cars (I saw at least 20-30 cars on the way to work today along I-40). I'd rather drive in the snow in Boone anyday! At least in Boone, most people are prepared!

Durham Tech opened late today. Who knows if we'll open tomorrow with the impending threat for another bout of snow tonight. As I heard so cleverly this morning, the meteorologists decided to take the "conservative" route in predicting this upcoming storm (maybe another this weekend). At least we know it is coming.

My thought is: if it's going to snow, it should be enough for sleding!

Monday, January 17, 2005

Decisions in the EMT World

Decisions in the EMT world are always followed by actions and/or consequences. I have had to make some decisions and come upon the consequences of the decisions of others just in the past two days.

While I was at the Matisse and Picasso show the other day, something happened to me that really has nver happened to me before. Within five feet of me, a man collapsed and hit his head on the floor. He had a history of epilepsy, but we don't really know if it was that or the extreme heat and crowdedness of the exhibit. Either way, I stood there in shock for a minute or so.

Andrea, one of my best friends, turns to me and says, "Tamara, you're an EMT! Do something" (paraphrased of course). I still stood there for a minute wondering what I really could do being that all my gear was up in my car. Finally, I came to my senses and made the decision to get in there and do my stuff. It wasn't much, just a matter of checking his head out and asking him how he felt. I checked his pulse, he removed some layers, and made some recommendations. He needed to cool off, take some tylenol the next day, and talk with his doctor.

My decision to get involved could have been more aggressive, such as, as soon as it happened, I could've got in there, stabilized his head and then turned him over rather than letting the lady just turn him over before getting involved. It is risky in this world of lawsuits and malpractice for me to even to get involved, but, consciously, I could not not get involved as I seemed to be the only person around who knew anything that could be done and make reasonable decisions. The next time something like this happens, I will not be as shocked!

Last night, while on duty, I saw the consequences of some bad decisions made by our patients. Our first call, we came upon a car turned over on its side after flipping at least once. It was pretty shocking to come upon the victim from the accident. What was more surprising was the fact that one of my friends was at the scene. He had seen the accident and pulled over. Caringly, he directed some traffic and then left, but I am sure he didn't think I would be one of the people to show up to the scene.

The man we helped was a 27-year-old who had just gotten out of jail. He obviously smelled of alcohol and tried to swerve out of the way of someone when he flipped his truck. He was bi-polar and very confused. He kept asking if he was dead, was this hell, and to let him die. He didn't want to go back to jail. Then his desire would change completely. He would ask us to save his life and then ask God to spare him so he wouldn't go to hell. It was quite weird. He hurt all over and had a 4cm laceration on his head, so we ended up transporting him across town as a trauma alert.

His decision to drink and drive could have cost his life and others, but thankfully it didn't.

The second call of the night came over the radio as a drowning. The mom of an 8-month-old stepped away for a minute while bathing her baby to get a towel, the baby fell forward, and swallowed water. I thought that this might be my first code (death) on arrival. Thankfully, we have some competent firefighters who got there and revived her. We then transported her across town with Dad where she became less lethargic and regained her reactiveness.

Mom's decision to walk away for a split second could have cost her her child. Never, NEVER, never, not even for a second, leave your baby alone in the bathtub.

The third call of the night carried the worst consequences. We got called out of our district to a 10-50, a multiple car/patient incident. We got there and just looking at the one car, I knew it was bad. The one car looked like an accordion and a fireman stood nearby with a hose in case the car caught fire (it sure smelled like it was going to). You see pictures of horrible accidents on the news, but the reality never really hits until you are there.

Three people had been in the cars. Two people survived.

We took one while the other ambulance took the other. Unfortunantely, we got the guy with the colorful language and uncooperative behavior. To put it simply, I had to restrain him with soft gauze so he wouldn't pull off his neck brace and hurt himself. He didn't seem to understand that we were trying to help him, even save his life. He didn't cuss at me nearly as much as he did one my partners, who was the paramedic on the call. But my partner wasn't going to put up with it. A cop rode along with us.

I learned later that the people in the car had been shooting out windows in a nearby town (a felony), and the police gave chase but then lost them. They found them again in the capital, but lost them again. And finally, they found them in another suburb town, where they gave chase and then wrecked their car by colliding head on with another car.

The man we transported was the driver, who was probably drunk. He will live, as well as the female, but he will be living in jail for sure. Their decision to carry on as they did cost two lives and the freedom of at least one. The driver is only 21-years-old and has probably ruined his life with guilt, a criminal record, and a new home behind bars.

Sometimes I don't understand why people make poor decisions, or why it is in our nature to go into shock rather than to immediately act. I guess the point of all this is to think out the decisions you make in life. Really think them out to the extent of the consequences of those decisions. The man from the first accident had it right; ultimately, asking God for forgiveness is where it needs to go in our bad decisions. But, that doesn't mean you won't face the consequences.

Friday, January 14, 2005

Tragedy, Hope, and Judgement Day

I have a pretty tender heart when it comes to sadness, loss, and pain. Just recently we have lost another church member from cancer amidst all of the other things that have been going on in the world. I always wonder what God is trying to say when bad things happen. I know there is purpose in His will, but I just wish I could see or understand it.

Lately, judgement day has been coming to my mind a lot. Especially the signs from the Bible. I sometimes wonder if all the things going on in this world are just another step closer. But, of course, it is because as time passes we know the day approaches.

My heart hurts for all the pain suffered recently around the world. The tsunamis have especially pierced my heart. I can't imagine losing someone that way and I can't help but be emotional when I watch the pictures of the damage and destruction. I just don't understand why this sortof thing would happen and kill so many people.

Iraq is a constant heart tugger for me. On the CBS news they do a "Fallen Heroes" segment. I almost can't bear to watch it. From newborns that will never know their fathers, sons building cars with their dads, and couples engaged to be married, the stories of the fallen heroes are so sad. At this point in my life, I don't know what I would do if I lost my Dad, brother, or fiance. I worry about the men and women over there, especially the ones I know or the ones with relationships to my friends and family. It's hard not to when everyday I hear about bombings and death. Why do people kill innocence?

California and the west coast has been hit hard by rain recently and just watching pictures of the mudslides and devastation, I am sad. I heard of one mother and 3 kids being killed in the mudslide while the father survived. How can a person go on after that?

I was shocked to watch pictures from Utah today where I river that is normally 10 feet wide is now 200 feet wide and is swallowing up home after home. My mouth flew open as I watched the shocking footage.

So what is all of this leading up to? Even through all this, watching families reunited with their military loved ones, survivor stories, and the way communities have come together gives me hope. I long for the day when we will be united with the Lord, though I wish for Him to use me for as long as He can here on Earth. I know that there is purpose in all of this and, even through my confusion, I can feel hope for that very reason.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Kids

Kids are so funny aren't they....

Well, only if you're not the mom trying to hush the screaming child in the middle of the store, or where ever. Rodney and I have talked about it a lot and after all of our talks, having kids does not seem very desirable. We're at the point where we leave having the grandbabies with my brothers.

I know that right this very minute many of you are saying, "You will change your mind when one of your friends has kids," or, " You have to have babies... you would do great at mothering," etc etc etc. Yeah, yeah... I know you are!

However, after all of my studying, babysitting, being around kids, the idea of entertaining a kid, paying for a kid, cleaning up after a kid just doesn't fit my desirable stress or sleep level. Not to say that I don't like babysitting, being around kids, caring for kids. I do, but for very short periods of time, not 24/7.

Plus, I don't know where kids are going to fit in in my professional career, married life, and personal time.

Downsides:
1. Kids are expensive. They say having one kid will cost about $100,000 or more (not including college if that is something you want to pay for).
2. Diapers. That's all I have to say about that.
3. Screaming and Crying. Why are they always doing that at the worst time? Like during a prayer at church...
4. Poop. Some babies like to stick their hands down their diapers so you can imagine.
5. Entertainment. I would feel guilty entertaining my kids with TV all the time. So then I would become the entertainer.
6. Daycare. Everyone gets what sickness one kid has. $$ again.
7. Middle of the Night Feedings. Why can't they wait till morning?
8. Toys. Toys everywhere.
9. Pee. Why do little boys spray everywhere? And then there are the little girls who pee on the floor. No Thankyou!
10. Birthing & Stitches. Mom sometimes has to have stitches in the worst place after giving birth. And all that pain, blood, and screaming... Why Eve, why?

Upsides:
1. Parenting would be the greatest adventure of our lives.
2. Having someone to take care of us when we're old.
3. Laughter. Joy. Pride.
4. Being Grandparents. Giving them to the grandparents for awhile.

It seems as though the upsides are less, but #1 is huge. I just don't know if I would be cut out for the stress (Rodney, too). I'm stressed enough as it is.

Overall, I know that if it is God's will that we have kids, we will no matter how hard we try not to.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

Webmaster

Now, I definitely would not call myself a "Web Master" as usually I am not very good at webpage stuff. I used to be and had quite an extensive webpage back when I was in high school. That, however, was back in the day when I used Microsoft Word to create it. I am not completely clueless when it comes to html, etc. because I can navigate myself around and cut and paste the code. If you were to ask me to write it from memory, that is a different story.

Well, I have been working on the page for my campus ministry at my church. I kindof took it on because I knew that my brother Tim is good at the stuff. I figured all along that I would end up being the one who took the job, and that he would help teach me. He definitely knows his stuff.

My Dad, perhaps, was the best help in all of the work that was put in. I can say that I designed everything, typed it up, and put it up with the exception of the directory. That was pure torture as the formatting was insane. It had to be completely redone because "dreamweaver" (aka "hades weaver" sometimes) doesn't like certain table formats. He probably spent 2 hours just formatting and posting the thing. My Dad did take care of some of the logistics of the site that had to be done in a program named "Zope" (which should be called "dopey" because you would have to be a dope to want to use it).

I have been kindof obsessed with my perfectionism on this site. If something is not right, I want it fixed, and I want it fixed right now! But, doing the site has taught me patience and a lot about updating and making a webpage. I am pretty proud of all the work I have done, mostly because it was so hard and I overcame the hardness!

Check it out sometime: MyCampusMinistry