Dear Claire,
‘What’ and ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?’…
I don’t know how your story ended.
But I know that if what you felt then was love – true love – then it’s never too late.
If it was true then it why wouldn’t it be true now?
You need only the courage to follow your heart…
I don’t know what a love like that feels like…
a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for…
but I’d like to believe if I ever felt it, I’d have the courage to seize it. I hope you had the courage to seize it, Claire. And if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will.
All my love,
Juliet
***********
The above is a letter written to Claire from Juliet's "secretary" in the movie "Letters to Juliet." There are so many things in there that I wish I could truly apply to my life sometimes. The thing that hit me the most in it was how she addressed the two words "What if."
Those two words haunt me sometimes. I know we shouldn't dwell on the past and how things have panned out in our lives because to be honest, how things have panned out in our lives is why we are at where we are at in our lives today. Though I do ponder those two words a lot.
What if... I think a lot can be applied with those two words when we make hasty decisions in our lives. Most of the time, hastiness never pays off. Sometimes, it seems like it pays off in the shortrun, but then longterm, hastiness proves to be unfulfilledness. What do I mean by that? The biggest decisions in life should NEVER be done in haste. The hardest part about that though is patience. Do I believe that patience pays off? Most definitely. When you do things right, I feel you will always live a fulfilled and happy life. Do I think that it will be smooth sailing? No way. That's just the nature of life.
I know for me, my aim is to make my story my own, and how people, relationships, love, fun, laughter, and even all the bad stuff play a role in it all become a part of that story. Yet, those two words do linger... "What if?" But then again, why does it always have to be associated with the past? I think we fail at realizing that those two words have significant meaning in our future as well. What if we decide to take this path or this road? What if we decide to walk side by side with this person or these people?
What if... Oh how those words can haunt our past but decidedly be so exciting for our future. The trouble I have is trying to focus on the "What ifs" of the future rather than the past. It seems like I always try and make these plans for my life based on the present here and now. Yet, when I do that, I have found it to never truly pan out the way I want it to or how I thought it was going to be. I guess that is also in the nature of how the people in our lives decide to deal with their "What ifs" as well.
It is so hard for me to just let go of my "plans" sometimes. I have had to let go, it seems, so many times! That's when I start dwelling on those "What if" moments in my past. What if that person hadn't decided to do that? What if I had never been there, done that? Ergh! I guess that's what makes faith so scary sometimes. It's the unknown "What if" of our future (not referring to faith of the Godly kind, since I feel like that is not so much unknown for me).
So where do the "What ifs" actually fit in our lives, or do they even fit at all? Yea, I do think they belong in our lives, but we shouldn't dwell on the past ones. Sure some of those "What ifs" may always have a place in your heart or mind. Nor should we dwell on the scariness of the future "What ifs" either.
I've started to kinda adopt the "go with the flow" attitude. Instead of trying to make things work for my future, I've just decided I want to see where it will go, or how it will pan out. I'm looking for the connections in my life that will truly lead some place. The connections that I felt like I saw in the movie "Letters to Juliet" make me hopeful too. So perhaps, the future "What ifs" should just bring hope into our lives rather than fear. I think that's all apart of the attitude of faith that our lives will go where they are meant to go.
This of course is not saying that you shouldn't prepare for your future, or sit around and do nothing. That accomplishes nothing. As they say, "Fail to plan, plan to fail." But in that, I think it's more meant in the attitude that you can't remain complacent in your life "hoping" that the "What ifs" will do everything for you. You still have to take the simple action of living your life. It's just sailing along with it as it goes. I think that when you do ride along life's journey, those connections that you know are meant to be will really stand out. Sometimes they may not stand out in the manner you expect, or even start or journey for a bit the way you think they should, but that's where life's plans show you that you really can't make life do what you want it to do sometimes.
But then again, you also can't be hasty in the big things in life either because as I mentioned before, the most important things in life should never be done hastily. Life is meant to be lived in a manner that you can inspire those around you and be fulfilled and happy. At least that's my take on it. We have one life to live, so why don't we do the right thing in life, and just go with it and enjoy the journey. We take the turns we must, back up down the paths that may dead end, but ultimately every "What if" can be just a part of making you who you are meant to be.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Monday, September 06, 2010
Doors
I find myself getting inspiration at the most inopportune of times sometimes. Hence, now I sit in a McD’s parking lot barely having been on the road back to NC for about 20 minutes, inspired to write another blog.
Yet, this is pretty typical of my trips from VA to NC. I find myself usually scribbling in a notebook while I drive. Yea, I know. Not the safest of things to be doing, but I really want to get my thoughts out exactly how I think them at that very moment or I’ll never get it out like I want.
So, what has me thinking now? Well a lot of things. I always seem to ponder where I’m at in my life on these trips. And, to be frank, I need these times and these trips to get out of my grind and normal mundane life sometimes.
So what now? Well, I was thinking. Haha. Yea. Of course I was. So here it is:
The unknown is so apparent in my life it is scary. The opportunities in my life and where I’m going from here on are so exciting it scares me. I can’t help but look back at some of the doors that have closed in my life and want to run back and start banging on them to let me back in. It’s so hard not to want that. When those things you desired so strongly in your life are now gone and you are looking into a future that is unknown, yet so open to newness, you have to wonder what has gotten you to this point.
The other thing that has been on my mind are some of my friendships and relationships. It is so hard when you see more than one person in your life who you think are making the biggest mistakes ever! You want to run up to them, give them a slap, hug them, and then yell, “Don’t do it!!!” It’s hard when you think you know what the best thing is in their life and they don’t listen. But then again, you have to remember that you aren’t living their life either. However, it is still hard as you don’t want to see them get hurt. I can’t say that I wish ill on anyone, but there have been points in my life where I hoped that the hard lessons that were going to happen didn’t destroy that person or me to the point of irreparable. So far, I know the mistakes I’ve made in my life have only left scars and not permanent damage.
So all this being said, it relates to the open and closed doors in my life. Have I been making the biggest mistakes? No, I don’t think so. I just hate seeing others around me doing things that are so anti from what they have told me are their goals and dreams in life. Doing things that make no sense at all. Yet, I am SURE that some people are looking at my life and thinking the same exact thing. But, I don’t feel that way one bit. Those who truly know me, know this about me.
What I want most people to know is that while I’m not complacent with where I’m at in my life, I do have a sortof peace about where I’m going. I’m definitely not where I thought I would be a year ago now. Do I wish I was? Yea, sure. But then the enormous opportunities despite the unknown wouldn’t be in front of me. I imagine that I’m starting to reopen my heart to allow the future blessings to come flowing in like a vacuum as I read in a book recently. Do I feel like I deserve those blessings? Most of the time, I don’t. But that’s the nature of humanity. Yet, I stand on this path right now doing exactly and going exactly where I think I’m meant to be doing/going. There are many choices to be made. There are opportunities all around me. I just wish things were clearer for me. That I knew which choices to make that would pay off the most. Then there’s that ache to look back at some of those closed doors and see if they might be cracked open only slightly. But every time I look back, they aren’t. And I tell ya, that really hurts most of the time. I guess that’s why we are supposed to press forward. That if those doors are meant to reopen, they will open as a new door in front of me with new opportunities and a new path associated with them. And if they aren’t meant to reopen, you just move on and experience a life that truly was meant for you. Which I think will happen no matter what anyways. The most important part that I have to remind myself is to not wait around for things that are out of my control, especially when there is no indication that I should. To take a hold of what I can control and move forward.
The hardest part is hoping that the people and the opportunities that are behind those closed doors don’t miss out on what could’ve been such a happy and fulfilling life or path. Especially, when in your heart you know that they will be disappointed. And, as I've said before, this is hard because I wish no ill on anyone! For me, friendships and relationships in my life aren’t taken lightly and when you lose one without even the opportunity on your part to truly figure out why or get the opportunity for closure, it hurts A LOT. But then you realize that sometimes you just don’t have a choice in the matter. That it is not in your hands to get that opportunity.
Then I look forward and see that I will have such an amazing fulfilling life no matter what doors open, close, or reopen in my life. That is just the nature of hope and faith.
So here I stand, or sit rather at at this very moment, staring at a future with so many unknowns yet so many opportunities. I will say that everything I’ve experienced in the past has just moved me to a point to know exactly where I want and need to go. And for that, despite the hurt sometimes, I am thankful.
Yet, this is pretty typical of my trips from VA to NC. I find myself usually scribbling in a notebook while I drive. Yea, I know. Not the safest of things to be doing, but I really want to get my thoughts out exactly how I think them at that very moment or I’ll never get it out like I want.
So, what has me thinking now? Well a lot of things. I always seem to ponder where I’m at in my life on these trips. And, to be frank, I need these times and these trips to get out of my grind and normal mundane life sometimes.
So what now? Well, I was thinking. Haha. Yea. Of course I was. So here it is:
The unknown is so apparent in my life it is scary. The opportunities in my life and where I’m going from here on are so exciting it scares me. I can’t help but look back at some of the doors that have closed in my life and want to run back and start banging on them to let me back in. It’s so hard not to want that. When those things you desired so strongly in your life are now gone and you are looking into a future that is unknown, yet so open to newness, you have to wonder what has gotten you to this point.
The other thing that has been on my mind are some of my friendships and relationships. It is so hard when you see more than one person in your life who you think are making the biggest mistakes ever! You want to run up to them, give them a slap, hug them, and then yell, “Don’t do it!!!” It’s hard when you think you know what the best thing is in their life and they don’t listen. But then again, you have to remember that you aren’t living their life either. However, it is still hard as you don’t want to see them get hurt. I can’t say that I wish ill on anyone, but there have been points in my life where I hoped that the hard lessons that were going to happen didn’t destroy that person or me to the point of irreparable. So far, I know the mistakes I’ve made in my life have only left scars and not permanent damage.
So all this being said, it relates to the open and closed doors in my life. Have I been making the biggest mistakes? No, I don’t think so. I just hate seeing others around me doing things that are so anti from what they have told me are their goals and dreams in life. Doing things that make no sense at all. Yet, I am SURE that some people are looking at my life and thinking the same exact thing. But, I don’t feel that way one bit. Those who truly know me, know this about me.
What I want most people to know is that while I’m not complacent with where I’m at in my life, I do have a sortof peace about where I’m going. I’m definitely not where I thought I would be a year ago now. Do I wish I was? Yea, sure. But then the enormous opportunities despite the unknown wouldn’t be in front of me. I imagine that I’m starting to reopen my heart to allow the future blessings to come flowing in like a vacuum as I read in a book recently. Do I feel like I deserve those blessings? Most of the time, I don’t. But that’s the nature of humanity. Yet, I stand on this path right now doing exactly and going exactly where I think I’m meant to be doing/going. There are many choices to be made. There are opportunities all around me. I just wish things were clearer for me. That I knew which choices to make that would pay off the most. Then there’s that ache to look back at some of those closed doors and see if they might be cracked open only slightly. But every time I look back, they aren’t. And I tell ya, that really hurts most of the time. I guess that’s why we are supposed to press forward. That if those doors are meant to reopen, they will open as a new door in front of me with new opportunities and a new path associated with them. And if they aren’t meant to reopen, you just move on and experience a life that truly was meant for you. Which I think will happen no matter what anyways. The most important part that I have to remind myself is to not wait around for things that are out of my control, especially when there is no indication that I should. To take a hold of what I can control and move forward.
The hardest part is hoping that the people and the opportunities that are behind those closed doors don’t miss out on what could’ve been such a happy and fulfilling life or path. Especially, when in your heart you know that they will be disappointed. And, as I've said before, this is hard because I wish no ill on anyone! For me, friendships and relationships in my life aren’t taken lightly and when you lose one without even the opportunity on your part to truly figure out why or get the opportunity for closure, it hurts A LOT. But then you realize that sometimes you just don’t have a choice in the matter. That it is not in your hands to get that opportunity.
Then I look forward and see that I will have such an amazing fulfilling life no matter what doors open, close, or reopen in my life. That is just the nature of hope and faith.
So here I stand, or sit rather at at this very moment, staring at a future with so many unknowns yet so many opportunities. I will say that everything I’ve experienced in the past has just moved me to a point to know exactly where I want and need to go. And for that, despite the hurt sometimes, I am thankful.
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