Wove, Troo Wove.

Rodney and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. Can you believe it's been one year? I've learned several new things about being a wife, about being married, about myself in the past year.

Gratefully, we have been blessed by the Lord to have had a most awesome year. I can't say the year went perfectly or without problems/arguments, but those were minimal and we learned from them.

Some of the lessons I've learned as a wife and woman:

My husband is #1 in my life (of course behind God). I should make my plans around him especially. What do I mean by this? He takes priority in my schedule over extended family, friends, church, business, and social events (to mention a few aspects of life). I try to be home when he comes home. I take care of all the needs he has that I can help with. Spend more time with your spouse than with your outside family (parents, siblings, pets) and friends.

My special objective is to make our house a home. This is seen very prominently in Proverbs 31. Mainly, I just keep the house in order, take care of BeBe, and just try to make it a pleasant environment for him (which makes it a pleasant environment for me). This definitely includes keeping my attitude in check and watching my tongue (what I say and tone of voice). Always greet each other with a kiss and a hug and pay special mind to each other when you come home (aka turn off TV for a bit or at least mute, stop what you're doing).

I had to cut the apron strings from my parents. Though my Mom was where I went to in the past about everything, now that person is my husband. Granted, I still talk to my Mom as we are very close, but I run everything I need to talk about through Rodney. I want to make sure he knows how I am feeling, what I am going through, and just general things about life from day-to-day. Oh, and I never, and I mean never, say anything bad or negative about Rodney to my parents. This is because, first of all, anything specifically between us is not their business, and, second of all, you avoid "bad blood." Not to say I don't ask for advice about things, I just choose to ask it without mentioning negative things or by using generalities. My personal opinion is that this is especially important in order to create a lasting and deep relationship with my husband. If we ever decide to have kids, this will be extremely important, too, as we are raising our own kids, not our parents telling us or raising our kids for us. They may not mean to, but it is all to0 easy to have opinions if they are overly involved. If we do have kids, I certainly won't be living next door to them! By the way, we still don't want kids, we will just love on other people's kids!

Money is pretty much the source of all our struggles. Mainly, the lack thereof. I have really worked hard on myself to stop impulse buying (though I still accidentally slip) and buy really what we need. Greenville was really hard on us financially. We went into some debt because we didn't have decent jobs and needed to live. It is expensive to live out in the real world, so make sure you budget your finances. Do allot some money toward some sortof pleasure, whether it be a romantic dinner or something you both want to buy.

Support each other's dreams. It doesn't matter how extravagant or wacko you might think their dreams are, if they believe in them, you should too. Dreams are important to everyone. When we have dreams that we really believe in, being in a close environment with someone who doesn't support you by not believing in your dream is the same thing as a cut to the heart. You may have to adjust a little bit, but in a true love relationship, you are to complete the other person. Part of that completion is loving that person, their spirit, their dreams.

Compromise!!!! This is probably one of the top things that needs to occur in a marital relationship. One spouse should not dominate over the other, or allow outside people (which is everyone but you two) to dominate their relationship, decisions, or beliefs. Discussions should occur especially about spiritual things before marriage (especially if you two were raised in different religious backgrounds). Some of the basic spiritual beliefs may remain different between you and your spouse, but the compromise comes in in where to worship, how to raise the kids, etc. If you choose not to compromise, you create strife. If you allow outside people to make your decisions for you, you will become dependent on them and not your spouse. I cannot reiterate this more, but compromise is the best agenda in decisions to be made. Adjustments will be made on both sides of a compromise, but the nice thing is that that is the best way to grow yourself and your relationship with one another. A couple compromises that Rodney and I had to make were where to live, what kindof food to have the house, how many social/church events and what type of events we went to, and where we both felt comfortable worshipping.

Lastly, build your relationship around God. This is number one in marriage. You will be happier and stronger in the Lord. That's just the way it works out. Statistically, the divorce rate is still lower in the church than it is outside the church. Children raised in the church tend to turn out better and have stronger holds on their roots and beliefs. I know, personally, that I am a better woman because my parents raised me in the church. The same can be said of Rodney.

Now I know that I have only been married a year, but this is the advice I can give as a newly wed. We plan to remain perpetual honeymooners, and the main way to do that is through the things I've learned and by applying those things. It is not enough to just hear them, you must apply them and take action.

Book Recommendations:
The Bible (Proverbs 31 among other verses)
A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F. Harley