Grief Share

What is grief? When/how should you experience it?
I'm sure you are probably wondering why I am writing a blog on grief; especially since my Grandmother passed away at the end of last September (not that long ago, but long enough to some). Well, because it is a part of our lives. I'm going to come out and say it: I am grieving right now, and it is okay that I am.

What? Me? Grieving? Yes!
It's amazing. I never realized this, but I have never truly grieved, at least in a healthy way, until recently. Thus, I am grieving for almost every loss I have ever had in my life right now. It is a process that I must go through and unless you are grieving yourself, you won't truly understand me.

But wait, Tamara, I have been around you recently and you seem so happy.
Well, yes I am happy. I am happy with life. But, that doesn't mean that, inwardly, there is nothing I am dealing with. Obviously, it is grief as I have already revealled.

So, let me explain.
My immediate family hasn't really lost anyone in about 10 years. However, we have dealt with losses. Whether it be a loss of a job, friend, mentor, church member, trust, and even debt and loneliness can be considerred a loss. When you combine all of these things, it is no wonder one might grieve in life.

Starting in about November, I joined a GriefShare class at church. I forsook my other Bible study to discover what I really needed. It was people who understood loss and could relate to me. As I started to study the books and videos, I realized that I was grieving more that just in the loss of my Grandmother. I always knew that I have a tender heart and tend to grieve when others grieve. Even with my choleric personality, I still feel sadness when others do, especially with my close friends and extended family. In fact, it is Biblical to rejoice when others rejoice, and grieve when others grieve.

Now, don't go feeling sorry for me. I am not wallowing in grief. My daily life isn't worse because I am grieving; in fact, it is far from being anything out of the normal. Mostly, the grief is in my head and heart.

I have gone through, probably, the hardest two years of my life. Whether it be through loss, finances, family matters, etc., I still have dealt with more than I ever have! But, I am inwardly peaceful about it all. It's just a matter of dealing with it emotionally. My faith struggled only minutely and waivered in a few instances (in terms of maturity), but overall, God has been good to me.

The healthy way of dealing with grief is not only associating yourself with people who understand (for example in GriefShare) but also with people who aren't dealing with grief (aka happy people kindof like my business partners). I move on in my daily life knowing that I, perhaps, will get over my grief faster than others, and that I can be an asset to my friends, family, and church through it.

It's the little instances that show me that I am moving on and recovering from the process of grief. I dreamed about my Grandmother (and she was healthy in the dream though she appeared momentarily). In my waking hours, I still tend to remember/picture her when she was sick. Thus, I still have a little bit of a ways to go, but it is better.

However, I am on the tail end, moving through the journey of grief!