Promoted

My heart is absolutely broken. Again.
D.B. was promoted to heaven today and I can't help but feel it is unfair.
I look out at the stars through my paladian window and wonder why life has to hurt so much sometimes. I know that death is but a beginning, however, I am still here. I continue to remain, to endure. Not that I am planning on leaving anytime soon, but I do long for my eternal home. There I don't have to feel my heart break.

I loved him. I don't feel like loving such a small life is dumb. In fact, loving D.B. made me understand how to love better in all aspects of my life.
I can't sit here and not tell you that I don't have my feelings of upsettedness. Of wondering why or if we should continue to breed birds. I'm somehow not sure I can endure any more losses. Loss has become such an immediate part of my life over the past months.

I held him in my hand when he died. I was begging him not to leave his mommy. I told him I loved him and kissed him repeatedly. Yet, he still left me. Last night he gave me many goodbye kisses. Sometimes I wonder if God prompts me to have pictures taken of our babies' last hours of life. The same occurred when the other little one died. This one hurts more though. I poured my heart into him. Somehow I thought my love would help him survive today. More than anything, however, I believe my love helped him leave in peace and happiness.

I prayed a special prayer tonight. I asked God to put a hedge of protection over my other babies. Even my not so little babies. They are apart of my family and hold places in my heart. God put those placecards in my heart for them. My love for my babies comes out in all aspects of my life and teaches me to be a better and more patient person.

I also prayed to the Lord for Him to place my losses in the hands of someone to take care of them until I get to heaven and can take over the job. Somehow, I feel that someone, maybe Grandma, holds them close to her.

My babies are heaven's deliveries. I am not ready to give up. Somehow, our endeavor into blessing people's lives with a baby lovie to love will touch someone and make a difference. I even feel that we already have made a difference to people in the way we do love our babies. I hope we can pass that love on to others.

Until then, mis amoritas: I do love you... and I can't wait to hold you in my hand once again.