God's Will...

Sometimes I just don't understand. Why do certain things happen? Sometimes things just don't turn out like you would expect.

I had been struggling the last couple weeks with the idea that I could lose my teaching position. The original science teacher had come back, and somehow I just didn't feel welcome anymore. I felt like I was inconviencing her. I just stuck through it hoping that over time things would change. I also had hoped, in the best interest of the students, that I would finish the semester with them. Well, that all changed on Tuesday (yesterday). My boss had sat in on my teaching and just raved about my teaching style. She felt like I really had connected with the students in the way that I teach and that I had the energy to keep them engaged.

Then came the, "But unfortunantly...." I was upset, I was confused, and I had a hard time understanding. How could a program whose goals are to retain students, help them attain their goals, and maintain a stable learning environment allow such a "travesty" as some of my students put it? I strove to maintain a positive and encouraging attitude while inside I hurt. I think that some of my students also picked up on it. They even went out immediately after class, got a gift and some cards for me and gave them to me to express their thanks for all that I have done and will continue to do. They are the reason I chose to sign a contract for the fall!

The scary part of this all is how comfortable I have felt teaching the students. I loved spending time with them, teaching them, sharing in their lives, and encouraging them. I believe in them and know that they have much potential.

This all occurred the night after attaining my new volunteer position with the Cary EMS. This whole thing excites me. They are a department that I will enjoy learning new things from. They are excited about having me, especially with my Spanish-speaking ability. I know that I will definitely be an asset.

So, what is God saying in this whole thing? By giving me peace about my teaching talents and abilities, is He telling me my future road will contain something in connection to that? Or, perhaps He is giving me more time to dedicate to my volunteer position? Maybe this gives me time to focus more on Him? Is He telling me He wanted me to see that I could use my gifts in a noble profession such as teaching? Or is He just humbling me after so richly blessing me with the opportunity to spend time with a group that I could influence with my spirituality? Besides, He was the one who gave me my job and the opportunity to work with such a bright group of students.

Either way, I am blessed. He closed one door (or at least shut it part way for now) but opened a new one. Truly, I understand why I am not in Medical School for the fall. I couldn't have asked for a better year off. The Lord has blessed me with abundant opportunities for Him to use me. I depend on Him to get me through all the ups and downs and He will lift me up out of this newest one. The students have expressed their gratitude and adoration, yet they are the ones who have affected me more than I have affected them (this I believe).

Ask God to use you and He will. I know this because he has used me and will continue to do so.