On my mind...

A topic that has been on my mind a lot since last year is being supportive and loyal to your friends. I try my hardest on most occasions. There are very few people whom I thought were friends, but for some reason or another tend to anger me to the point that I don't even want to hang out with them. I avoid being around them.

It gets hard when they are always pointing the finger at you and never at themselves. They don't approach you privately before embarrassing you in front of people whom you actually care about. Then, they make themselves unapproachable because for some reason or another they have this diluting power to control everyone else around them. They will stab your back the instance you piss them off and those people they have control over will for some reason believe them!

It's hard for me to even call them friends. I end up just dealing with it as best I can and treating them as Christianly as possible. I have to put up with them because they are fellow Christians. That really stinks sometimes.

To me, this sort of relationship is something I would end up getting out of. As soon as I can distance myself from a person like that the better.

It hurts a lot when someone you thought was your friend would all of a sudden not support you, point fingers, and go along with the opinions of the people they tend to control (who might have some power of control over them) just because they don't want to lose control. What kind of person is that anyways? To me, they are someone with their own agenda in everything. This worries me about future endeavors or relationships that they might be involved in.

The way I avoid getting my back stabbed is by not confiding in people that will take what you confide in them and gossip about it as soon as you do something to anger them. It could be as simple as disagreeing with them that could set them off.

It also hurts to see some of my real friends hurt by these "so called friends" through scheming and conniving plans to, for instance, break up certain or potential wonderful relationships and friendships.

I am not normally a confrontational person, especially when it is so hard to approach someone with the above, defined characteristics. My Dad always tells me that I just need to do it, and I really want to. I just feel it is futile and that someone who really means something in those people's lives will have to do it anyways for them to finally get the message.

Don't worry too much. If I have confided in you, you are probably not the people I am talking about. In fact, all of my close friends to this point (and you know who you are) have never made me feel like this. I know I have lasting relationships with many people and I love that we will grow old and still talk about gummy bears, canoe adventures, and "brown recluse" incidents. We will recall the time we had a email fight over a misunderstanding and then an email apology. We will remember ordering pizza at 1am and having it delivered to the zoology lab. We will remember the times we spent crying together over boys, our self-image, and death. We will remember sharing our crushes, getting our hearts broken, and learning to be better people because of it. We will remember hiking to Pilot Mountain, "smelling the flower," and weaning puppies. We will remember the countless times we went to concerts, recitals, youth rallies, sneaking into condemned, haunted houses, and going to camp or camping together. We will remember spending hours planning my wedding, sharing our thoughts, and just chilling out after a stressful time. We will be friends to the end.

It's just the other people, who call me their "friend" but aren't really behind my back, that I will avoid to make my emotional and spiritual life stronger.... without them making it harder for me.