God is in the Small Stuff

Have you ever noticed that God is in everything that you see, do, touch, and experience? It took me a long time to notice God in the small things. I never really prayed for him to be in the small things until I first noticed Him there.

The first time it occurred to me was when I was walking from the music building at ASU back to the dorm with Rodney. I looked up and noticed the brilliant oranges, reds, pinks, and yellows in the sky as the sun was starting to set. In awe, I told Rodney how beautiful the sight was. What he said to me was intriguing. He said, "Well, that's God's good night kiss to you." What an amazing thing to say. Yet, it was so evident and true to think about. Then, I thought some more and realized that God must kiss us Good Morning while we sleep (or at least while I sleep).

From that moment on, I started noticing God in the small things. He was in the beautiful fall colored leaves, he was in the cool breeze, the beautiful blue ridge mountains, the clouds. It was an amazing thought to realize that God had put this all here for our enjoyment.

God also plays a role in so many small instances. I once needed to take my car back to my designated parking spot up a mountain on campus and realized that I probably needed someone to go with me being that it was getting dark. However, no one was around who could. So being the bold person that I am, I decided to take it up there myself and walk down the path to get back to the dorm. As I drove up the mountain, I realized it was getting too dark for me to walk down by myself and that I was going to call the escort service to come pick me up. As I walked to the front of the parking lot, the escort service pulled up before I even touched the phone. He said, "Are you the one going to Gardner?" Now, I was in shock. I told him yes and got on. When I got back to the dorm, I inquired amongst my neighbors, who might have called for me and no one owned up. It was as if God had called the service for me just so that I could get back safely!

Most recently, I have spent more time thanking God for the being there in the small things. When I took the MCAT again in August, I was nervous the morning of and when I pulled up to the testing center, there were two squirrels frolicking in the trees (maybe operatives of Thomas, hehe). It made me smile and chuckle, and also brought a peace to me. I had spent an entire summer studying for the MCAT and was truly blessed to have met someone who loves Christ just as much or more than me in the review class. I think that that is why God put me there over the summer, to meet Nateefa!

It is such a joy to share in the love of God with others. It's easy to pray for big things to happen as events occur, but I find myself asking God more to reveal himself to me in the small things. I've gotten to the point where I know that if I ask God to give me a good night sleep and wake me up refreshed in the morning, it happens!

Something as simple as a six year-old's prayer can be God there in the small things. I babysat a little boy named Brandon, who when we said prayers together amazed me with how much better of a prayer he is than I. His prayer went something like this:

Dear God,

Thank you for this good day.

I pray that I can have a good night's sleep

and have another good day tomorrow.

I also pray that Miss Tamara can have a good night's sleep

and a good day tomorrow.

Amen.

And, Amen that is Brandon! God put me in the room for that small, touching experience. Where have you seen God in the small things recently? He's there. Just ask Him to reveal Himself to you! I did, and what immense blessings he has doled out upon me!

My Personality

I would have to say that I have changed a lot over the years, especially when it comes to my personality. In elementary school, I was in between shy and outgoing, probably closer to shy. I didn't understand a lot and I guess you could say, I was mostly a good girl. I only got in trouble twice at school. They were circumstantial and never occurred again. My personality doesn't fit the bad girl style.

After elementary school, I gained some weight (right before the growth spurt and puberty). I become a "goody-goody" and remained somewhat shy. It probably had to do with the fact that all the popular kids made fun of me all the time. I was baptized at the young age of 11 and that I was trying to be "Christianly." I had my embarrassing moments and I just felt like I didn't fit in. My closest school buddy moved away at the end of my 8th grade year, leaving me nobody to go with into high school. I had my crushes, but was never confident enough to admit them. I was definitely an insecure tomboy as most would put it.

Over the summer after my 8th grade year, I finally had my growth spurt. With it came a little more confidence, but I was still pretty shy. I seemed to fit in more with the boys, and, in fact, it was a boy in my 9th grade geometry class that poked and prodded me out of my shell. He would always turn around and ask, "Why are you so quiet?" or say, "You need to talk more to me." Slowly I talked more and more and it wasn't until my 10th grade year when I expanded my friend circle by meeting a gal named Andrea that I really came out of my shell. I also tried out for the volleyball team and made it, which helped me keep the baby weight that I had had off. I became flirtacious and quite a bit more confident.

By the end of my high school career, I was a confident talker who should've stood up more for her beliefs. However, I enjoyed popularity for the majority of my high school years. Popularity at Enloe H.S. is quite a bit different from other schools, as there were clicks, but being popular just meant being well-known, liked, and having lots of friends. Friendships spanded over many different circles just because Enloe was a gifted and talented school and brought kids from all over the county. The funniest (or most ironic) part, in my opinion, from my change in personality and body type, was that a lot of the middle school boys who had made fun of me at Ligon had crushes on me at various times during my high school years.

Then came college and the years after. I can't say that I didn't have my wild times, just because I wanted to flaunt my confidence and flirtaceous personality. I was also a talker and still am (except when I am around people who talk more than me). There were many a times when I would call my buddies and leave messages on their machines, but would have to call back a second time to finish.

The biggest lack in confidence that I had was when I allowed myself to be run-over by my first roomie, just because she had a stronger personality than me the first year at ASU. She had moved in early and had things arranged the way she wanted and I had allowed it without showing her my disagreement. Over time, the little things started to get to me, and the first time I stood up for myself led to an argument. Finally, we just decided to change roomies. I can't say that I really meshed well with my second roomie either. Things always seemed to go okay the first semester, but downhill the second. I think part of it had to do with dating relationships, but it was mostly due to personality clashes.

Unfortunately, I have always been one to hide my anger, except with my family, until it is ready to burst. It did one year at camp with Beth, one of my best buddies. Funny thing is is that I wasn't really mad at her. It just seemed that way in the argument. I was just tired of everyone running over me. Now when Beth and I have an argument, it's a matter of standing one's ground and honestly, we've only ever had that one huge argument. We both didn't budge and stood our grounds! That was a revolution for me!

Admittingly, I hate that, in my immaturity, I have gotten selfish and angry at times and always seem to take it out on my family, or my loved ones. Maybe it's because I want to maintain a reputation and because they will still love me. But those are NOT good reasons! I am much better now, but I still have my moments.

As many know, especially those who did the video scavenger hunt, I have gained confidence in dealing with strangers. I still would rather have someone do stuff for me, but I have realized that that hardly happens (my parents make me do everything for myself for the most part). I don't mind going up to a complete stranger and asking them something. I am still cautious, but I don't worry too much about how complete strangers will perceive me. I just want to be me.

I do tend to put other's needs first, before my own, in which sometimes I feel burn-out. But, I know in order to be Christ-like, I must not focus on self. I have a tender heart for people I love, and some people I don't even know. When someone hurts, I tend to hurt too. I cry a lot more now. I used to not allow myself to cry except in extreme circumstances, but now I cry even in some commercials! I think being my being more girlie and emotional comes from being in love.

Well, this is me. I hope you're not too scared and that you still want to be my friend!

My Fiance

So I thought it was about time to let you all know who my fiance is really. Honestly, he is a great and wonderful Christian man. The best thing about him is that he makes me happy. I can't say that we haven't had our ups and downs, but I can say that we were friends first.

I met Rodney Carlyle Money my freshman year in college on the Wellness floor. He lived on the opposite side. I first knew him by name. I kept seeing all these signs around the floor that said, "wrong side, Rodney," or "this is the girl's bathroom, rodney." I pondered on these weird signs for quite some time before finding out what it was all about. I first laid eyes on him when I crutched my way off the elevator into our lobby a week after school started. Here was this goofy guy, sitting on the couch with a backwards black taxicab hat talking about playing trumpet. Well, that peaked my interest because I play trumpet too! After getting to know each other and going through the saga of getting together, we started a relationship.

That relationship has since blossomed into a future marriage. He said he knew he was going to marry me not too long after we met. I, however, knew God was trying to say something to me after many, many prayers for my future husband, but was cautious. I am happy to say that I love him and being with him.

Rodney is an interesting guy. First of all, he is a music composer. He is not just any ordinary composer, however. He is an amazingly talented composer! He finds some way to touch everyone in the audience of the performances of his pieces. In fact, when he asked me out the night we started dating he hooked me with a piece he wrote and sang to and for me. You can ask anyone who has ever heard his music! Amazingly enough he has already made money composing lots of commissions and even can claim fame to an alma mater he wrote for a high school in the county he is from.

Next, Rodney loves parrots! Parrots are his hobby, but I have created a love in him for dogs as well. I encouraged him to apply for a position at the humane society near Appalachian State, and he has saved many animals. Parrots are his first love because of a parrot named "George." George was a wonderful pet of his (his favorite) before college. Heartbreakingly, he had to give up all his parrots when he went off to college. He has a way with parrots like no other person I have ever met. He actually has helped me gain confidence in my dealings with parrots. And, yes, we will have parrots and Jack Russell Terriers in the future.

Thirdly, Rodney is an amazing teacher. He may not see it right now, but he will make a great teacher in the future. He has already touched the lives of many high school kids at Cannon Music Camp. I know this because of the way the students interact with him. They adore him. I know that he will not have any problems getting a job in the future!

Fourthly, and most importantly, Rodney loves God. He loves God more than music, parrots, his family, and me (this is the way its supposed to be). I am blessed to be marrying a man who has faith in God and lives to glorify Him. He glorifies God in his music and in his life. I love praying with him and studying the Bible with him. It is such a blessing to worship next to him during church or devotionals.

Fifthly, he has a very large family. We have been through a lot together especially when it comes to his family. He lost all of his grandparents in the time that we have been together. I was there for him. He was there for me during my Mom's cancer as well. I love his family. They are truly a wonderful bunch of people, who also love God dearly. My family is very small in comparison, so it has been a slight adjustment. I was first exposed to his large family the first Christmas after we started dating. They took me in as though I was already part of the family and I loved it!

Rodney has a blended family. His mother passed away when he was ten of cancer. In fact, he was her miracle child as she had him while she had cancer. The doctor even told her to abort him. But, thankfully, she decided to have him. His father remarried some time later after she passed away.

Rodney's friends are a great crowd. I am thankful to know them and enjoy their company. I am glad that they have allowed me to steal him away so much! I even think of his bestest friends as my brothers because they tend to take care of me like a sister. They have never created stress for me as they accepted me into their lives. Thanks guys!

I could say so much more about Rodney, but you can just ask me! I hope that you, if you haven't already, can meet him someday.

Cancer

Cancer is a terrible ordeal for anyone to go through. I am constantly praying for someone who has cancer and that disturbs me. Why is cancer such a common thing? Our world is being overrun by cancer and I wish there was some way to cure it.

Lately, cancer has been on my mind quite a bit. My mom had cancer last year. I was so distraught at the news. She is too young, I thought. Why is this happening? I just thought I could never understand why. I even questioned God. I had been praying diligently since finding out about the cyst on her ovary that it wouldn't be the big "C." Then, when the doctors announced that it was, I got angry. I got angry at the cancer and I got angry at God. My mom didn't deserve this.

My grandma (my mom's mom) passed away 7 years ago on my Dad's 40th birthday. She had lung cancer. I remember feeling like the diagnosis was so sudden. She was in the hospital and I remember the doctors saying they were going to put her in hospice care or care for the terminally ill. That was just a few days before she passed away. My grandma was one determined lady. Even in the hospital, she insisted on putting on her own makeup. I remember the last time I saw her. Her makeup was all crazy while she slept! I had major respect for her desire to do things for herself, for her independence. We had expected her to live quite a bit longer than she had, but God called her home.

When my boss, Karin, announced that her mom had cancer, I couldn't believe that another person that I know was dealing with the epidemic. Her family had been through it quite a bit already. The best thing I knew to do was to pray.

Then, the secretary at church's daughter (Brenda) got cancer. What you must understand is that Victoria is the sweetest woman you will ever meet. She trusts God unconditionally and knows that He will take care of them no matter what. She is a Christian woman who teaches me the value of putting my hope in the Lord.

Last night, one of my best friends, Andrea, dealt with a loss due to cancer. Her grandma passed away from lung cancer. It touched my heart that I could be relied on by her for comfort. When Andrea told me that her grandma was dying, I had flashbacks to my own grandma. I was able to give her comfort because of my own experiences. My heart hurt for her and her family. You see, when you are one of my best friends, you might as well accept that you are family. Thus, when you hurt, I hurt.

All is well in with my mom these days. When the surgeons went in to remove the cyst, they removed the cancer as well. It was a torturous 3 days waiting for the results of the tests to see if it was all out. Then, God put me in the room with my mom the day the doctor came in with them. God woke me up and said, "See, all is well when things are left in my hands." My mom didn't even have to have chemo. Many people had prayed for her and us and God answered them.

God is in control. We must, "Let go, and Let God." He can bring comfort in these times of trial. I do as much as I can by praying, giving a shoulder to cry on, a tissue, or a card, but, ultimately, God will take care of us.

My DVD Collection

So, I have a ridiculously huge DVD collection. I would make a list of all the DVDs that I have, but that would take too much time. I have almost 80 DVDs and that is way too many for the amount of money that I make. I always make up excuses to buy DVDs. Take for instance the Disney DVDs that come out. They are only out for a "limited time" and then they get put back in the vault for ten years!! And, I always want the collectible cardboard covers! I guess you can say I get hooked in by all the advertising.

I am one of those people that you might call a "movie junkie." I could be completely happy just going to movies all the time! If I had enough money, I would go to every movie that seems interesting (Rodney can't stand that!). Instead, I spend all my money on DVDs that I watch once and then pull out occasionally.

My latestest additions include Aladdin and The Day After Tomorrow. My excuse for buying the previous one was the fact that I plan on showing it in my class (see 1st paragraph for Aladdin). On top of all that, Walmart always offers a cheap introductory price that is usually $4 cheaper. Just think, after 3 DVDs, I have enough to buy one more... Dope! There I go again. Always excuses.

A normal typical woman these days is obsessed with buying shoes, clothes (I have a little obsession with clothes), and accessories (such as purses). But no, I can't be a normal woman. Thankfully, since I don't have enough money to go and see every movie I would like to in the theater, I can actually get out and exercise rather than sitting on my butt, eating popcorn, chomping candy, and drinking a slurpie. But then again, I need an accountability partner to get me going on the exercise thing too (hopefully Bridget and Beth S. will be that).

I can tell you why I have certain DVDs, such as the Lord of the Rings, because those are my favorite movies in the whole world. Then there are the chick flicks that every girl must have, including When Harry Met Sally. I love films that are symbollic such as Signs (in fact I love M. Night Shyamalan's films). I love drama, such as The Last Samurai. I love Sci-Fi, like Star Wars. It's the films such as Collision Course and others that I don't know why I have. I mean, I do know why I bought them, such as the fact that I love one particular actor/actress, or the Croc Hunter, but half of them are not that good anyways. One thing you won't find in my collection are Slasher films. I cannot stand watching a human chop another human up. If it's an alien, then that's ok because its definitely not reality.

The point of all this is that I need some self-control when it comes to my DVD collection. If I know I want one, I need to stick to that one when I go to the store. For instance, I went to Walmart the last two Tuesdays (because that is when they put out the new releases) and instead of buying the one I was there to buy, I bought three extra last week and one extra today. Again, I made up excuses such as, they were so cheap, or I need them. Sigh, no self control.

Well, after all this raving and ranting, I just thought that a couple of you out there might hold me accountable. That, or you could just borrow some of my massive collection!! They would get more use that way anyways!

Teaching

Today, I almost had a revolt on my hands. Or was it a bunch of students "having cows?" I'm not sure, but whatever it was, they did not like the announcement that I had to make. The normal science teacher is being forced to come back. On top of that, she is being forced to come back in the middle of the semester. Now, I am not saying that I am a better teacher than her, but c'mon, my students are used to my teaching. It is not a smart thing to change up the teaching style in the middle of the semester, especially for the students.

I made the announcement in both classes and all them couldn't help but groan, complain, and whine about it (which is ok). There is really nothing that we can do. Many of them said, "Oh no, now I'm definitely gonna fail!" They think that the other teacher will not understand them like I do. So, let's get into a little bit of my history.

I grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood and I loved it! I had no concept of race until I came back from my first day of kindergarten. I had been playing with all the kids in my neighborhood without one single thought that they were different. As far as I was concerned, we were all just kids. I think school can ruin a child's innocent concept of the world. Now, I am a hard strung advocate for school, so don't get me wrong here. The first thing I told my mom when I got home after that first day was, "Mommy, did you know that Keylan was black?" Absolutely hilarious!

My first real card game was "tunk" and I only knew how to play rough-out basketball. Needless to say, I was useless in a "rules" game of basketball. I would foul out so quick because I was used to a game where we could hit, punch, and foul out whenever we wanted. I played tackle football in the field across the street. We played Ninja turtles with all the neighborhood kids. I always wanted to be Michaelangelo, but since I was the only girl, I always had to be April (boo!). My first "peck" of a kiss came from a little black boy after I, April, had been captured by "Shredder."

Unfortunantely, things changed. Jamal down the street started dealing drugs. Wesley got shot. Ronnell got put in jail after he robbed a convience store. Keylan started having kids at 14. It was sad, but that was the stereotype of the day, and most of the kids I grew up with fell right into it. By the end of our time in the neighborhood off of Granite Street, I didn't even feel comfortable going to the door from the car. Gunshots didn't phase our family anymore. The first time my fiance' visited our house, he about had a cow when he heard two different guns go off. The fact that I could identify it was two different guns was frightening.

Well, with this background, you can only imagine how well I actually can relate and understand my students. This is, perhaps, the reason why they enjoy having me as their teacher. I not only teach them Science, but I strive and push them to succeed. This is the ultimate job of a teacher.

I can only pray that I can finish out the semester with these students. I do not want them to fail and I will do everything I can to get them to succeed. Probably one of the best incentives I have ever come up with is putting the names of the students who have made at least one 'A' on one of my tests up on the bulletin board outside my classroom. As one student said over the summer, "It took me 26 years to get up on the board." Even today, one of my students made her first 'A' on the test and started celebrating about her name getting up on the board.

Teaching is rewarding, and I never thought I could be good at it. I attribute my gift's development to God, my mom, and my college teachers. Without good teachers, I would have never known how to reach the most students that I can. I pray for my students by name and I know that they have it in them to succeed!

Wedding Stuffs

So, I'm starting to get really annoyed with all the companies contacting me about the wedding services they offer. I mean, come on! I just got engaged at the end of August and they expect me to have planned it already. The other really annoying thing is that I have to keep correcting all of these companies in the pronunciation of my name. It is not "ta-mare-ra" or "tomorrow!" It is pronounced "Tam-ra" and that rhymes with "camera."

You might call me weird, but I have never truly laid out my wedding dreams since I was a young girl. Yeah, I thought about it, but I never made a decision on the colors, the flowers, etc. One thing is true: I have always desired to be married in the church that I grew up in. I do get it for free and it is the only place that would fit everyone (Rodney and I know a lot of people), but those are just the perks. Since they remodelled, things are just absolutely gorgeous now. All I have to say is, "Thankyou Jesus! The nasty, pukey, yellow carpet is gone!"

One thing I do have is my dress. It is beautiful! Jen and Beth were extremely helpful in helping me narrow down the best styles for me a week before I bought my dress (thanks girlies, I love ya). The next week, I had three lovely ladies, including my mom, help me pick it out. I can't say that when I got the pictures back I didn't have any second thoughts. However, the more and more I think about it, I know that it is the one! Here is a preview: it is strapless, white, and has beautiful embroidery. Other than that, I will have to tell you more via email (Rodney might be reading this). I did get it at David's Bridal, so I can send you a link.

Well, I am pretty much set on who is going to be in the "Bridal Party." We have all the groomsmen and I am thru asking my bridesmaids. I know who the ring bearers are (yes, I have 2) and the flower girl. I even have a director and an assistant director whom, by the way, were the other 2 lovely ladies who helped me pick out THE dress. I think I want to do an apple red for the bridesmaids dresses which is an absolutely gorgeous color of red. It is not "fire-engine red" but deeper and darker. Plus, I think it will look gorgeous on all of my bridesmaids.

I officially have one person with the title "maid of honor" but technically speaking I will have 3. It was excruciating to choose someone, because I love all three of my bestest buddies equally. So, I compromised, allowing all three the "maid of honor priveleges." I know that they are all going to take awesome care of me on the special day.

I am still trying to figure out the list of things I have to have or do before I get married. I don't have the list yet, but I can check off something blue and something old. Julie Anna and Frank got me a beautifully, hand-embroidered hankerchief from an antique shop. I adore it, and I plan on stuffing it in my bouquet on THE day.

Well, that's all I have for you for now. Glad you made it through!

Welcome!

So I finally decided that something like this online blogger would be a good thing for me. It will allow me to actually express myself in a way that I usually don't get to. Plus, you can get to know me better. I will try to keep up with it, but don't expect me to post everyday! I hope that you will enjoy this or at least not get too freaked out!