My Personality

I would have to say that I have changed a lot over the years, especially when it comes to my personality. In elementary school, I was in between shy and outgoing, probably closer to shy. I didn't understand a lot and I guess you could say, I was mostly a good girl. I only got in trouble twice at school. They were circumstantial and never occurred again. My personality doesn't fit the bad girl style.

After elementary school, I gained some weight (right before the growth spurt and puberty). I become a "goody-goody" and remained somewhat shy. It probably had to do with the fact that all the popular kids made fun of me all the time. I was baptized at the young age of 11 and that I was trying to be "Christianly." I had my embarrassing moments and I just felt like I didn't fit in. My closest school buddy moved away at the end of my 8th grade year, leaving me nobody to go with into high school. I had my crushes, but was never confident enough to admit them. I was definitely an insecure tomboy as most would put it.

Over the summer after my 8th grade year, I finally had my growth spurt. With it came a little more confidence, but I was still pretty shy. I seemed to fit in more with the boys, and, in fact, it was a boy in my 9th grade geometry class that poked and prodded me out of my shell. He would always turn around and ask, "Why are you so quiet?" or say, "You need to talk more to me." Slowly I talked more and more and it wasn't until my 10th grade year when I expanded my friend circle by meeting a gal named Andrea that I really came out of my shell. I also tried out for the volleyball team and made it, which helped me keep the baby weight that I had had off. I became flirtacious and quite a bit more confident.

By the end of my high school career, I was a confident talker who should've stood up more for her beliefs. However, I enjoyed popularity for the majority of my high school years. Popularity at Enloe H.S. is quite a bit different from other schools, as there were clicks, but being popular just meant being well-known, liked, and having lots of friends. Friendships spanded over many different circles just because Enloe was a gifted and talented school and brought kids from all over the county. The funniest (or most ironic) part, in my opinion, from my change in personality and body type, was that a lot of the middle school boys who had made fun of me at Ligon had crushes on me at various times during my high school years.

Then came college and the years after. I can't say that I didn't have my wild times, just because I wanted to flaunt my confidence and flirtaceous personality. I was also a talker and still am (except when I am around people who talk more than me). There were many a times when I would call my buddies and leave messages on their machines, but would have to call back a second time to finish.

The biggest lack in confidence that I had was when I allowed myself to be run-over by my first roomie, just because she had a stronger personality than me the first year at ASU. She had moved in early and had things arranged the way she wanted and I had allowed it without showing her my disagreement. Over time, the little things started to get to me, and the first time I stood up for myself led to an argument. Finally, we just decided to change roomies. I can't say that I really meshed well with my second roomie either. Things always seemed to go okay the first semester, but downhill the second. I think part of it had to do with dating relationships, but it was mostly due to personality clashes.

Unfortunately, I have always been one to hide my anger, except with my family, until it is ready to burst. It did one year at camp with Beth, one of my best buddies. Funny thing is is that I wasn't really mad at her. It just seemed that way in the argument. I was just tired of everyone running over me. Now when Beth and I have an argument, it's a matter of standing one's ground and honestly, we've only ever had that one huge argument. We both didn't budge and stood our grounds! That was a revolution for me!

Admittingly, I hate that, in my immaturity, I have gotten selfish and angry at times and always seem to take it out on my family, or my loved ones. Maybe it's because I want to maintain a reputation and because they will still love me. But those are NOT good reasons! I am much better now, but I still have my moments.

As many know, especially those who did the video scavenger hunt, I have gained confidence in dealing with strangers. I still would rather have someone do stuff for me, but I have realized that that hardly happens (my parents make me do everything for myself for the most part). I don't mind going up to a complete stranger and asking them something. I am still cautious, but I don't worry too much about how complete strangers will perceive me. I just want to be me.

I do tend to put other's needs first, before my own, in which sometimes I feel burn-out. But, I know in order to be Christ-like, I must not focus on self. I have a tender heart for people I love, and some people I don't even know. When someone hurts, I tend to hurt too. I cry a lot more now. I used to not allow myself to cry except in extreme circumstances, but now I cry even in some commercials! I think being my being more girlie and emotional comes from being in love.

Well, this is me. I hope you're not too scared and that you still want to be my friend!