More BeBe!

Just a few more shots to pass along... I finally got that roll developed!

BeBe on his playpen!

BeBe after a bath.

He actually looks more like a dinosaur or something. What do you think he looks like wet? Let me know by leaving a comment!

Beth (I mean, Lynn) in Africa

Hey ya'll! I just loved these pictures so much that I had to put them in my blog. This is one of my bestest friends who joined the peace corps. She is a wonderful gal and I miss her a ton. She was also one of the maids of honor at the wedding. I hope you enjoy these pictures!

Beth is on the right.

Beth on a camel!

That looks like fun!

That guy is touching her foot!

The woman at the well!

Isn't she gorgeous!

I think these pictures are right when she got to Africa during training and her "swear in." She also noted that these were taken before she got sick and lost a lot of weight (poor gal!). Anyways, I'll post more when she sends more!

The Beebster!

Thanks to my Dad, I now have Be Be pictures for your enjoyment. It still isn't the same until you've met the little booger!


Cutie pie!

Now, I'm just adorable! (when I'm not a poop head!)

I like to snuggle!

Be Be head on!

Look at me!

I'm full of fluff!

I want all the attention!

Bat Bird!

I hope you enjoyed them! More to come in the future! Oh, I think Sophie was a little jealous of all the attention the bird was getting:

Or she just doesn't like the camera.

LOL!

BeBe!

I am a Mommy! I was going to wait until I had the pictures of BeBe to put up here, but I'll post them when I get them.

So, Rodney and I, as a wedding present, were given a little bird. It is a love bird and it is a mutation of a peach faced love bird. He is so pretty too! For a love bird, he probably has the biggest personality you would ever see in one.

He is still a baby, just 2 months old. He totally rocks, too. He likes to snuggle with you and fly to you and has bonded to both Rodney and I. We still hand feed him a little bit, but he is turning into a big boy! He now sleeps on the big boy perch and is exploring all parts of his cage and our apartment.

We're hoping he'll be the one in a thousand who speaks. He is already a little talkative, at least in bird language and he loves to play Peek-a-boo! I'll throw a wash rag over him and say, "Where's BeBe?" He'll then poke his head out and whistle at me to tell me that he is right there! It is the most adorable thing.

If you haven't met him, you totally need to. We take him practically every where with us in his little carrier. I will post pictures on here as soon as I get them developed!

On a side note, Jen Jen got engaged!!!! Yea!!! So exciting!

Positive Thoughts, Positive Life

I'm sorry I haven't written here in awhile, but mainly it's because I let myself get busy with other things. Life over the past few months has definitely been interesting. Mostly, I have just had a change in my old mind set.

It may shock some of you, but I'm not sure if God is leading me down the Medical School road anymore. It had been my "dream" for so long that I just never really thought that there was anything else. The main reason I had wanted to go to medical school was to use that in the future as my ministry. Lately, I have had other opportunities come up that will give me more time to minister in the Missions field and even around me.

Rodney and I are new business owners. In essence, we are independent contractors. What's exciting is that our business is so hot right now that as we expand, anyone who is interested in becoming an independent contractor with us has to qualify by going through a 3-step interview. It is awesome.

The point is that our business has given us a new lot in life. I will have more time to volunteer as an EMT, to do mission work, and we can escape the corporate pyramid (in which we are at the bottom with no real hope of truly going beyond that). It's just that corporate America has deceived everyone into thinking that they are going to be okay when it is time to retire when in fact, 98% of people will not be able to survive on the government's payout (Social Insecurity which Rodney and I won't even have anyways) and will probably continue working. That just isn't right in my mind.

So, on that our business has encouraged us to change our mind set. We now spend time reading and listening to positive CDs. We hang around people with high moral values and positive outlooks in life. We have finally begun to realize that those people who are negative either have no dreams, no positive outlook on life, or are afraid of the success of other people making them look bad.

Yesterday was awesome! We did some "dream-building" and went on the Parade of Homes in the Raleigh area. It was absolutely amazing. My favorite house was a $2.5 million house that was simply gorgeous. We looked at a $4 million house, but I still loved the $2.5 million one. I could actually see myself in that house. Now, you might think that that is materialistic, but aren't we all when we go to work everyday chasing money? Besides, if I ever thought a $2.5 million house would become the center of my life, I would never have one. I just look forwards to the day when money will no longer be a worry, a stress, or a problem. I also look forwards to being able to give more that I ever would have been with this new outlook on life.

So, on to the point of this blog. Positive Thoughts = Positive Life. I just read an amazing book called Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen. The main reason people are unhappy or unsuccessful in today's world is because of their thought process. They allow their poor circumstances to overcome their emotions and life and so they live unhappily. Happiness is a choice though. It is written at the top of our mirror in the bathroom: "Choose to be Happy today." The Lord wants us to live in abundance and happily. He wrote that out for us. We are also in his favor. When you choose to be happy and realize that you are in His favor, life becomes a whole lot easier to manage because you don't worry about circumstances as you choose to be happy in spite of them.

The Lord wants to bless you a 1000x over. You just need to seek those blessings! Mainly you do that by giving. Give your life, money, work, etc over to him and he will bless you with an abundant life.

I believe this with 100% of my heart. I know He will provide for us, because He already has. He will bring the right people into our lives whether they be our friends, family, or strangers. He has already brought amazing people into our lives since our wedding. It is no coincidence. We know it was God as we asked Him to bring those people.

Even doubt as small as a mustard seed will cause you not to be able to move those mountains in your life. I know, because I have been there.

I choose to be happy, to dwell on positive things. If I do that, then I know I will have a life of abundance and happiness as the Lord desires us to have.

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

More Wedding Pictures

Ah, marital life is bliss. I married into "Money" but didn't marry into "money," but the Lord will provide. I'm working on scrapbooking the droves of pictures I have! Here are some more wedding pics for your digital enjoyment:

What a handsome group!

From Left to Right: Tim, Thomas, Bob, Rodney, Sam, Ryan, and Dan

Rodney and the ring bearers (Brandon and John) showing off their muscles!

Wait a second, that's my veil!

Sam smells Rod's flower!

Dan trying to smooch Rodney!

Hope you enjoyed.... More to come!

Pictures from the wedding

Just thought I'd share some beautiful shots from the wedding by Bridget:

Me and my gorgeous director, Julie Anna


My bridesmaids, flowergirl, and me... they're so beautiful!


The whole bridal party! What a lovely bunch!


Me and my bouquet...

And lastly...

My hubby and his bride...

I hope you enjoyed them. If you came, thanks so much!
If you are looking at this and wondering where your copies are, hold up, they're coming!

I'm alive and well!

Hey Everyone! I am still alive! I promise!

It's definitely been a whirlwind of a month! That's for sure!

First of all, I got married!!!!The ceremony couldn't have been better! I can't wait to see the official pictures and video! It's actually kindof funny though because I have been showing everyone pictures from the honeymoon and they are all like, "wait, we want to see pictures from the day." I'll get them soon. I have a few from my co-worker and from the one-time use cameras we had for people to use. At least I've gotten somewhat of a taste.

Rodney and I had a wonderful honeymoon in Williamston, NC. We stayed at a bed and breakfast that was so lovely. We visited many of the sights on the Outer Banks including several lighthouses and the Wright Brothers Memorial.

Unbelievably enough, we went to Honduras just four days after our honeymoon for a mission trip. This was Rodney's first adventure on a plane and out of the country (as well as my brother Thomas's). That was an incredible trip! Rodney had a toothache for the first few days, pobrecito! Many people remembered me from the previous year, so that meant a lot to me. They also couldn't believe how soon it had been since we were married!

I have taken my first few ventures into scrapbooking recently. I get erked at leaving things undone, so I have been doing scrapbooks all in one setting (one from the honeymoon and one from the Honduras trip). I think they look great and not over done. You will have to see them!

Well, Rodney and I are pretty much settled now in our new home together. I can't wait for the many new adventures that we will have in the future!

Oh, and by the way, keep in touch with us! We may be married now, but that doesn't mean we are recluses!

Wedding Week

What a week so far! It is absolutely insane trying to get everything done. Then one thing after another comes up and creates more work for me!!

Thankfully the move last week went so incredibly smoothly. I have such a wonderful group of friends here in Raleigh that helped pack away my stuff and put it in the truck. A big thankyou to Chris who packed the truck so well. Also thankyous to Laura, Bridget, Amy, Silas, Brian, Thomas, Tim, and Dad who dealt with all the dust, matched my socks, grabbed furniture, cleaned stuff, helped me unload my chest of drawers, etc etc etc. You guys and gals rock my socks off!

I also must thank the wonderful people who came and helped in Greenville. Brian and Laura even travelled down with us and helped us unload too. Then, they tackled the tough job of putting together our entertainment center. Wow, that was awesome. Thankyou especially to Jayson who gathered and called some helpers. More thankyous to Brandon, Tyler, John, Stephanie and Megan. You all rock my socks off too. We had that truck unloaded in record time after filling our bellies with the wonderful hotdogs Mom made.

Anyways, with the huge burden of moving lifted off my shoulders, all have to worry about is getting things done for the wedding. Important things too. I just got my shoes and undergarments for the dress today. Yes, today! Less than three days before the wedding and all I have been thinking about is getting everything done for everything but myself. I also scheduled a manicure, pedicure, and massage. Hey, I deserve it! I used the frassled bride to get an appointment today that normally I wouldn't be able to get without scheduling it ten days in advance.

What's really awesome is my wedding director. Not only is she my director, but she is my steamer, hair stylist, makeup artist, and suggestor/encourager. I couldn't have asked for a better friend in Julie Anna; I am truly blessed.

I feel like such a procrastinator. I have been engaged since August, yet I am still scrambling in the end to get stuff done! Well, it'll all come together. I can't expect everything to be perfect anyways!

Furniture

It is really neat being able to buy some small things for our apartment. Yes, we got an apartment!! It is a nice 2 Bedroom/1 Bathroom apartment with a large kitchen, washer dryer hookups, a dining area, and a large living room. We are definitely excited about the prospects of moving our stuff there this weekend. It goes without saying that we still need a lot of things, in which, we hope our registry will take care of.

Anyways, back to furniture. Rodney and I have just made a few purchases over the last couple of days. First of all, I went yard-saleing with my brother, Thomas, and we found a dresser. Now, I really like it, but it needs to grow on Rodney a little as he likes darker woods. It is half wardrobe and half dresser, so it'll look nice and be very functional.

Next, we decided to go ahead and purchase a headboard. My grandma was going to give us hers, but it is a water bed frame and I am worried that our mattresses may not fit. Because it is a bear to put together and take apart, I don't want my Dad and brothers putting it together and then discovering that it won't fit and them having to take it apart which almost takes just as long to put together. We fell in love with the sleigh-bed look and actually purchased a sleigh bed headboard and foot board from Big Lots. Yeah, Big Lots has some really nice stuff for a good price!

We also bought our entertainment center from Big Lots this past weekend. It is cute and will look nice in our living room.

The last big purchase we have is a set of Queen mattresses. We are actually going to go get those the day we pick up the moving truck, this Friday. We have to sign the lease on Friday and then we plan to actually move the stuff up there on Saturday with a bunch of people's help.

Anyways, it is getting more and more exciting as the wedding day approaches. I am really clean-sweeping the stuff I already have. I am trying to be unmerciful in a lot of it, and have been quite successful. We'll see how much stuff I can be completely unmerciful with!

Moving to Greenville

Rodney and I made another really important decision for our future (other than to get married). I received a letter last week from ECU offering a position for me on the alternate list. This is a good thing as it is not a rejection. They have favorly reviewed my application but need to have space to open up for a position for me possibly.

I debated it for a little bit as I was unsure if I should accept the position on the alternate list. After much discussion (and crying) we decided that I would accept the position and thus, now we will move to Greenville on a leap of faith. This leap of faith is huge as Rodney will need to apply for a job in the Greenville area, we have yet a place to live, and I do not have a secure medical school position, thus leaving me with the possibility of needing to find a job as well.

We are both pretty scared and would appreciate any and all prayers for us to find a job, for me to get into medical school, and for us to find reasonably priced housing. We are actually considering consulting with a financial advisor in these important decisions, especially our future finances.

I am sad to be moving away from the Raleigh area. I have grown up here all my life. I have a stable and wonderful church families. My friends are here. My family is here. I have a potential full time job (or at least part-time job security). I have an EMS system that I love working with. We're just leaving so much behind.

It has crossed my mind recently that perhaps God wants us to take this leap of faith. I wonder why I just couldn't have been plain rejected from med school again. We see the opportunities in Greenville despite the insecurity, but I just wish I could see the security in moving there. I wish I could understand what God's will for us is there.

In the upcoming weeks before the wedding, we have a lot more that has been added to our plate. We have to house hunt and job hunt. I am going to submit an early decision application to ECU for next year's entering class in case it doesn't work out for me this year. I'm hoping that them see us having moved to Greenville and my alternate status this year may give me a leg up. We'll see about that. Rodney is going to contact some publishing companies and apply for a couple band positions in the Greenville area.

For now, it is just the leap of faith. Thanks to everyone who has supported me through prayers, encouragement, cards, etc. I appreciate it dearly.

Wedding Shower

I have never had that much attention given to me before. But, it was fun. Thanks to everyone who gave presents to us to help us start out a new life!!!

Code 3

I always thought it would be a thrill to be one of those people who drove some sort of vehicle with its lights and sirens. Actually, it is quite nerve racking. My adrenaline rose out of pure nervousness rather than thrill. You just don't know what erratic moves people are going to make to seemingly get out of your way. Plus, my personal insurance can go up if I wreck the ambulance.

Well, the other day, just as we left Rex Hospital (which is out of our district anyways), a call came in for a house fire. Mind you, I am driving the ambulance and I have never driven Code 3 before (with lights and sirens). My partner Chasidy looks at me and says that we can take this call. She calls central and tells them it's ours and then looks at me and says, " We're going hot." Never once did I question my ability to drive this ambulance before, but I was like, "Me?? Are you asking me to drive hot? Surely you want me to pull over and let you drive." Of course this whole conversation is going on in my head as I reach over and turn on the lights and Chasidy turns on the sirens.

Now, most people on their first "hot" run go too slow. I actually made really good time. I think I made ten miles through highway and neighborhoods in 7 minutes. That's actually awesome for a first timer. I only freaked Chasidy out once, but that was because she couldn't read my mind and anticipate that I wasn't going to pull out in front of some moving cars and I, of course, wasn't. It's actually pretty scary riding in the passenger seat of a Code 3 run.

Well, after all that hussle and bussle, we get to the call hot and the house fire isn't all that hot. It was adrenaline rushing, and I am proud of myself for the way I handled the ambulance going Code 3.

We did chase the police and fire trucks to another house fire call right after that one and it was more unimpressive than the first. I didn't drive that time, but it was fun having a police and fire escort.

It's a girl! Wait...

He's a girl.... I mean I think they are all girls. This is a good thing. This means no aggressive future breeding issues.

After some research by Rodney and some follow-up research by me, we've determined that Riley and Rivers are girls, not boys. We confirmed that Tammy was indeed a girl as well. This leaves us at a quandary. Rivers is ok for a girl's name, so we left the little red-eared slider her name. However, Riley is not a girl name (though I know someone who knows a girl named Riley), at least I don't like it as a girl's name. So, we've renamed Riley, Bree. Rodney and I like it, so that's the way it is going to stay. I actually decided on Bree because it sounds pretty and I was reading about Bree, the desperate housewife on that show, and I thought it sounded good for a turtle.

It's actually good that it's Bree and not another R name. I kept mixing up the R names even though I knew which was which. Bre is a type of cheese and since cheese is usually yellow (stereotypically), Bree can be a play on Bre, too.

Anyways, it is now the future family of Tamara, Rodney, Tammy, Bree, and Rivers. Hopefully, we can add Maxwell (a dog) to that list soon.

Turtles

The Adoption is complete. Rodney and I now have two more "children." We already had one by the name of Tammy. She is an Eastern Painted Turtle. Now we have two more turtles.

We adopted them from a friend of a friend (thanks, Frank!). I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew I was going to go look at 2 turtles. When I got there, it was instant love.

You see, turtles are my favorite animal. Let me tell you the story of Tammy:

One day, in third grade, I came to the bus stop and there was a neighborhood kid, Keylan, holding a cup. The curiosity got the best of me, as it does every third grader, and I asked what was in the cup. He showed it to me and there was a tiny little turtle in the bottom. I told him that it was so cute and that I wanted to take care of it. Little did I know that the $0.50 I was about to spend would be an investment for at least the next 14 years!

I carried the turtle to school with me and my teacher, Mrs. Jarman, thought it was the cutest thing that I had brought a pet to school. Of course, I couldn't keep her at my desk while class was going on, so she put the cup on the window sill.

I brought the turtle home and showed it to Mom, and she about had an internal cow. She got worried because she thought that if it died (because it was so little), I would be heart broken and scarred for life. Thankfully that didn't happen. We put the little turtle in a pie dish for the time being. Thomas and I, the next day, tried to make a habitat for her in a jar he had, but ended up breaking the jar. Thus, Mom finally went out and bought her a real bowl. We probably didn't get her a ten gallon tank until about 6 years ago and that is what she has been in until yesterday.

You're probably thinking I named my turtle after myself. That is actually not the case. There is a book, of which I still have a copy, named "Tammy the Sea Turtle Saves Lives." This was who I ended up naming my turtle after.

Now, back to the new "children" that we have attained. One of the turtles is a yellow-bellied slider named "Riley." He is actually almost the same size as Tammy (she's still a little bit bigger) but he is almost 12 years younger than her. The other one is a red-eared slider named "Rivers." He is sooo cute! He is about the size of a half-dollar coin (maybe a teensy bit bigger) and about a year old.

We decided to keep the names that they came with. They also came with a 20-gallon tank and lots of accessories. We slowly integrated Tammy in with the other two, seeing how she would respond to them being that she has been alone for the past 14 years. Everything seems to be good between all of them, so she has now joined Riley and Rivers in the big tank. We even upgraded some accessories in the tank to include an aquarium heater and another floating platform as well as another filter (the tank came with two more).

Hopefully, soon, I'll post some real pictures of them here so that you can check them out. Or, you can just come by my house and visit!

This is what Riley looks like.

This is what Rivers looks like.

This is what Tammy looks like.

Driving the Ambulance

(Look for me driving one of these-- ahh, scary!)

Yes, it is so. I am driving the ambulance. I am not driving the ambulance with lights and sirens yet, but it is fun to be able to speed all around town without a fear of getting pulled over. In fact, I was going 55mph in a 35mph zone in the ambulance the other day and as a cop passed by I just waved, and he waved back. Aww, how sweet.

Anyways, it is kindof nerve racking driving that gigantic thing around town. I am just thankful that I don't have to drive this monster on Six Forks Rd. Those lanes are extremely narrow.

Driving an ambulance is like driving a Ford F-350 with a box on the back instead of a bed that extends 1 foot more out on each side. I end up driving the thing really close to the line dividing the lanes so that I don't take out telephone poles alongside the road.

I thought I would be more nervous driving that thing around too, but once you get in there, you really enjoy it. Not to say that I'm not precautious, but it is fun.

There is one fear that I have. I fear wrecking the ambulance. My personal insurance could go up. I can only hope that if I ever get into an accident in an ambulance that it won't be my fault.

The hardest part about driving the ambulance is backing into the bays. It is stinkin' hard. Plus, they have put up these new concrete poles on each side of each bay so that people won't hit the building. It is hard fitting between those thingys. I am glad we have lines that run down the driveway so that I can sortof see my target. They just need to paint them better or lay down some reflectors.

My next goal will be getting good at driving the ambulance with a patient in the back and one of my partners working back there. I did drive some Explorers (a H.S. group that "explores" EMS life) back to the station last Sunday and didn't sling them around to bad, so I think I'm off to a good start.

On a side note, I came to a scene the other day where the police had tasered the guy (man, I so want to see someone get tasered) and he was a big guy. I was the only woman amongst 5 cops and 2 paramedics and I felt pretty nervous about getting anywhere near the guy. LOL. It was stinkin' awesome, though, to see the damage they inflicted on the door when they kicked it open!

Taxes

So, being in the "real world" has its perks and follies. One folly is that you end up paying more taxes. Probably because you made more money. Oh, so more money = more taxes = no more refund. No more refunds. Hmmm.... Probably because I haven't been paying taxes for the last year!

How did this happen you might say? I am not actually sure. But sure enough, as I looked at my W-2s and my most recent pay stub, they aren't taking anything out for the feds or the state. Yea horay... welcome the big tax bill. And guess what, yeah, I'm broke. I was saving for a house or furniture for when I got married, but now it all goes to the government. I say down with The Man!

Turbotax delivered the disheartening news a couple nights ago. I am dreading writing the $1176 check to the feds and the $548 to the state. Plus, now they want to avoid this problem in the future and want me to send an additional $294 quaterly until the next tax period. Grrrr.... Where is all this money going to come from?

I suppose it could be worse. I could owe a lot more. In fact, with being claimed as a dependant and without donations to church or charity, the bill would probably total $3000. But, i have convinced my Dad to not claim me and added in a lot of charitable monies, volunteer related expenses, and educational expenses and now I only owe the aforementioned dollar amount.

It still stinks.

I did, however, refile my W-4s so that they can start taking money out (since they haven't for the past 3 paychecks this year) so that I can avoid this problem next year.

It still stinks though.

The Stop Sign

Wouldn't you know it, the one time I would miss a stop sign, there would be a cop sitting right there to catch me.

I was on my way to tutor someone and as I cut my way through the back roads to get to the other side of Cary, there is this random, obscure stop sign. You wouldn't expect one there especially in my direction. As soon as I ran through it, I knew I had. I saw it as I drove through and thought to myself, "Ack! I missed the stop sign."

I looked back to make sure I hadn't cut someone off who was travelling in the other direction or caused an accident and as I came to the road I was going to turn on, I saw lights. At first I thought it was an emergency vehicle so I pulled to the right. However, it was a Cary cop, and yes, he was pulling me over.

He exited his car as I pulled out my license and rolled my window down. I said, "Good evening officer." Then he asked me if I had realized I just ran through a stop sign. I couldn't lie. I knew I had, so I told him that yeah, I had missed it.

He introduced himself and that was the turning point in this pull-over. I had run a call with him with the Cary Area EMS! I told him that as I handed over my registration. He asked me if I was about to get on duty. I told him no, and that the I was on again on Friday night. He then walked back to his car.

I panicked a little. I didn't want a ticket! Who does? I didn't mean to, I promise. He spent a few minutes in his car, I guess looking me up. I wondered if I wouldn't be allowed to drive the ambulance because of this mistake (I would have to tell my chief that I had a violation).

Then, the cop exited his vehicle, carrying only my license and registration. Whew! He then gives me a verbal warning, asks me to be careful next time, and ends it with, "I may need you someday."

Praise Jesus! I avoided a ticket because I am a volunteer EMT. That totally rocks.

I can guarantee you, though, that I will never run that stop sign again!

The ones I miss....

I was talking with Rodney yesterday on the way home from Winston Salem about how I miss a lot of my bestest friends (and family). Almost all of them live out of town and I miss them terribly. I have some in Boone, Asheville, Boston, and the Winston Salem area. These are for sure going to be my friends for life as well as some others.

Whenever I get to spend time with them, it always reminds me how much I care about them. From meeting in Greensboro to try on Bridesmaid Dresses to watching Wrestlemania on a big screen TV, the fun times make me happy to see them again. I just wish I had more time to visit everyone.

If I had it my way, we would all live in the same vicinity. I know it especially brings joy to Rodney and I when we see everyone again.

To all of you, and you know who you are: I love you dearly and miss you. Thanks for the calls, emails, and cards. You will always have a special place in my heart. To me, you are more than friends, you are family. I look forwards to being family to the end and beyond.

On my mind...

A topic that has been on my mind a lot since last year is being supportive and loyal to your friends. I try my hardest on most occasions. There are very few people whom I thought were friends, but for some reason or another tend to anger me to the point that I don't even want to hang out with them. I avoid being around them.

It gets hard when they are always pointing the finger at you and never at themselves. They don't approach you privately before embarrassing you in front of people whom you actually care about. Then, they make themselves unapproachable because for some reason or another they have this diluting power to control everyone else around them. They will stab your back the instance you piss them off and those people they have control over will for some reason believe them!

It's hard for me to even call them friends. I end up just dealing with it as best I can and treating them as Christianly as possible. I have to put up with them because they are fellow Christians. That really stinks sometimes.

To me, this sort of relationship is something I would end up getting out of. As soon as I can distance myself from a person like that the better.

It hurts a lot when someone you thought was your friend would all of a sudden not support you, point fingers, and go along with the opinions of the people they tend to control (who might have some power of control over them) just because they don't want to lose control. What kind of person is that anyways? To me, they are someone with their own agenda in everything. This worries me about future endeavors or relationships that they might be involved in.

The way I avoid getting my back stabbed is by not confiding in people that will take what you confide in them and gossip about it as soon as you do something to anger them. It could be as simple as disagreeing with them that could set them off.

It also hurts to see some of my real friends hurt by these "so called friends" through scheming and conniving plans to, for instance, break up certain or potential wonderful relationships and friendships.

I am not normally a confrontational person, especially when it is so hard to approach someone with the above, defined characteristics. My Dad always tells me that I just need to do it, and I really want to. I just feel it is futile and that someone who really means something in those people's lives will have to do it anyways for them to finally get the message.

Don't worry too much. If I have confided in you, you are probably not the people I am talking about. In fact, all of my close friends to this point (and you know who you are) have never made me feel like this. I know I have lasting relationships with many people and I love that we will grow old and still talk about gummy bears, canoe adventures, and "brown recluse" incidents. We will recall the time we had a email fight over a misunderstanding and then an email apology. We will remember ordering pizza at 1am and having it delivered to the zoology lab. We will remember the times we spent crying together over boys, our self-image, and death. We will remember sharing our crushes, getting our hearts broken, and learning to be better people because of it. We will remember hiking to Pilot Mountain, "smelling the flower," and weaning puppies. We will remember the countless times we went to concerts, recitals, youth rallies, sneaking into condemned, haunted houses, and going to camp or camping together. We will remember spending hours planning my wedding, sharing our thoughts, and just chilling out after a stressful time. We will be friends to the end.

It's just the other people, who call me their "friend" but aren't really behind my back, that I will avoid to make my emotional and spiritual life stronger.... without them making it harder for me.