Medical School

Such interesting decisions to make!

Many of you know that Rodney and I were dislocated in Greenville, NC for about 6 months. Honestly, there is not a lot to like about that city (unless you are a college student). We found it rather dull and unfulfilling. We had a hard time finding decent jobs there as well, in terms of hours and satisfaction.

So, we moved back to the Raleigh area where our happiness level has risen tremendously. This is where part of our family and most of our friends are.

Oh, how cruel life can be sometimes. It was definitely a pain when we moved, as far as how difficult it was. We had a lot of stuff and moved it into a 3rd story apartment. We really like the apartment we're in now, a tad bit better than the one in Greenville, even though that one was newer. We definitely have more space in Raleigh.

What would ya know, but on the same day my Dad lost his position at work, I received an acceptance letter to Medical School at ECU. Ah, how ironic and bittersweet. The place we wanted to get away from now is beckoning us back.

Now, don't get too excited as I am really not that excited. Yeah, it feels awesome to be accepted, but I'm not sure I want to go anymore. Shocked? Yeah, me too. For so long, medical school was all I wanted to do. I had wonderful teachers, family, and friends who supported me and recommended me (to which I am eternally grateful). You believed in me, encouraged me, and loved me through all the rejections. Even last year, as I sat on the alternate list, you prayed for me. That was the whole reason we had moved there, on the leap of faith that I would get accepted there.

Last year, it would have been a no-brainer. Naively, I believed that Medical School was the best thing for our marriage in terms of a career. Now, I believe different. I enjoy the free time (no matter how little it is) that I have now with my honey and BeBe. I wouldn't have that in Medical School.

"Think long term" is what most people have said to me, but honestly, I am thinking long term. How is this going to affect my marriage? What kind of stress am I going to have? How much debt will I incur? How many people can I help? I know the answers to all of these questions! Unfortunately, I don't think that the positive outweighs the negative.

So, I am left at a quandary. I had considered pulling my application out of the pool by March, mainly because I didn't think I would get accepted so early. Really, I selfishly wanted the acceptance letter just to feel accepted.

There is such a high standard to live up to as a doctor! Truly, is the income worth the amount of time and stress I would be under? I am not so sure as malpractice insurance is sky high and I would never see my husband (nonetheless raise a family should we go in that direction). Even some doctors I know tell me that they can't even depend on the income to retire, and their families have lifestyle but they don't.

Sigh... I have another week and a half to make my decision. I have one life to live... how should I live it? I truly want to serve the Lord and feel led down a different path. I almost feel as though this acceptance is intended more for use in a testimony. I know that I can touch lives in and outside of medicine. Ultimately, prayer and meditation about God's will for me is what I will have to depend on.