Have you ever just sat down and thought about the little things you like or don't like?
I was driving home from my business meeting tonight thinking about them, so I thought I'd share.
You know, I will slow down (safely) driving on Aviation/Airport Dr in Raleigh to allow a plane to fly over top of my car? Yes, I have even come to a complete stop between the two lakes, waiting for that glorious roar. At first, I wasn't sure why I liked it so much. As I thought about it some more, I realized it was the memories it invoked. I remember when Grandma and I would go to a park near Pope Air Force Base and just watch the planes fly over while playing on the swings. I just think planes are cool.
I like to look at deer (live) on the side of the road. My deer goggles are quite keen and I see A LOT of deer on the side of the road at night all over the place, but mainly on Aviation Dr and I-40. They are cool to look at, as long as they aren't running in front of my car, into my car, etc. I still get that tense feeling like they might, and on occasion, while passing by, have beeped my horn so they will look up at me (hopefully they weren't alarmed and ran in front of the next car). I have seen/heard of many a deer accident, but that doesn't deter me from liking to see a pack of deer on the side of the road.
I like it when the temperature is 68 degrees. It's just perfect. Not too hot and not too cold. Perfect. Plus, I can just open the windows and turn off the heat/AC.
I hate being late. I just do.
I like classical music on when I read. There's just something about music without words that keeps my mind attuned to what I am reading and makes it more enjoyable.
In fact, I really only like Classical and Contemporary Christian music. On occasion, I will listen to some good new rock songs (aka Daughtry), but my radio is rarely on any other stations other than WCPE, His Radio, and KLOVE.
I hate the news. So negative.
I like Survivor. I know. Pathetic. I also like Ellen. Yeah, she's a lesbian. But, she's funny too. I like the Price is Right. Yay for Bob. I would love to go see him before he retires. It's doubtful though.
I like the Weather Channel. Or Weather.com. Weather is fascinating to me. Plus, I want to know what tomorrow will be like. Rodney just thinks I should go outside the day of to figure it out. I just want to be prepared.
I like a good artistic/symbolic film. Even ones with subtitles. I like good puzzle films or films that tie back in with the clues already presented. Ooooo, I like it!
I like it when my birds snuggle with me. It's the softness of their feathers on my cheek or neck.
I like to take pictures. Lots of them. It's fun. Plus, the feeling of accomplishment after taking a good shot, finishing a scrapbook, etc is awesome.
I like lightning, but not thunder. Thunder is scary. Lightning is beautiful and edgy.
I hate early mornings. I would rather just wake up when my body is fully rested and not to an ALARM clock (they named that right).
I hate it when my pillow falls on the ground, a bird poops on it, a dog sits on it, or an authorized person puts their hands, face, butt on it. Dude, that's where my face lays at night. Gross. I will change my pillowcase in any of those cases. I also like the smell of my pillow. Yeah, it's weird because no one else smells what I do.
I like to get into a made-bed at night. I like the look of a made-bed. It just feels better.
I hate taking showers in the morning. It draws my routine and schedule out too long. I am not a morning person as it is.
I like to eat breakfast. I love breakfast food. Not always healthy but good and tasty! I could eat breakfast food for lunch and dinner as well. So many options!
I like happy, positive people. That's probably why I am in the business I am in. They fill my happy tank up.
I like babies. Not babies of my own. Other people's babies when they are sweet and not screaming. I like it when a baby falls asleep in my arms or on my chest. It just feels right. (still do not want one from my womb though)
I get fulfilled taking care of my home. Yep, never thought I'd say that, but I would love to be a housewife. No, I wouldn't get stir crazy. There are many things I could do if I were job-free. It's coming soon....
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
Cute Updated Pics of Andrew
TLC
Baby-Daddy time!
Aww... sickeningly cute!
Cry Babies! (I love this shot of my Dad!)Sunday, March 04, 2007
Plus Size Models
I was watching Tyra on America's Next Top Model (yeah, I know....) and it actually irritated me. They have two models on there that they are calling "Plus Size." In fact, they were saying that models are plus size when they are size 12 or 14. I, personally, have always thought that plus sizes were 14W+. When I saw those two gals, I thought they were beautiful and definitely not Plus Size. They looked great in their swim suits and would never even consider calling them plus sized.
America's view of being skinny has always bothered me. Did you know that Size 12 is not fat? In fact, it is the size of an average American woman. I just read the book by Meg Cabot, Size 12 is Not Fat. It wasn't what I expected, but quite enjoyable. Heather, the main character, kept getting called fat and finally got her revenge at the end. Even still, I totally agree with that title.
I think that it is good for a woman to have a little bit of "meat" on her. It makes her look healthy and besides, God made us a certain way and for certain purposes anyways. Now, I don't hate skinny girls, and I do wish I weighed less (I am working on it), but I do believe that you can be healthy even at a heavier weight or larger size.
Beyond everything, I think that our country should promote being healthy rather than skinny. This is especially needed in the entertainment industry.
Oh, and SIZE 12 IS NOT FAT!
America's view of being skinny has always bothered me. Did you know that Size 12 is not fat? In fact, it is the size of an average American woman. I just read the book by Meg Cabot, Size 12 is Not Fat. It wasn't what I expected, but quite enjoyable. Heather, the main character, kept getting called fat and finally got her revenge at the end. Even still, I totally agree with that title.
I think that it is good for a woman to have a little bit of "meat" on her. It makes her look healthy and besides, God made us a certain way and for certain purposes anyways. Now, I don't hate skinny girls, and I do wish I weighed less (I am working on it), but I do believe that you can be healthy even at a heavier weight or larger size.
Beyond everything, I think that our country should promote being healthy rather than skinny. This is especially needed in the entertainment industry.
Oh, and SIZE 12 IS NOT FAT!
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Lovebird's Concerto
Check this out! A professional painter, Jamie Grossman in New York, painted our BeBe! If you are interested in checking out her work, this is a link to the original post and her blog! She sells her paintings, so you will have an opportunity to purchase the painting of BeBe if you so desire!
This is the original shot!Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Being an Aunt
Andrew William Stuart
February 19, 2007
6:07am
6:07am
7lbs 12 oz
21 inches
Some people would call me a fanatical or camera happy Aunt. I am not denying those accusations at all. I certainly have taken enough pictures of the little tyke to make even a full album and he is only a week old!But how do I really feel about being an Aunt? I am absolutely thrilled. I was even asked at one point before Andrew was born about how I was coping. Coping? Coping with what? My brother and sister-in-law having a baby before me? No need for coping as I still don't even want kids. How do I explain that to regular people? I just nod and smile and say, "I'm great."
I could fit the role of mother well, I just don't want to be. Well, technically, I am a bird Mom. The real question is how do I feel about my brother being a Dad? That's a real loaded question! It is still surreal to me. I can hardly believe it. Now, his life fully revolves around his baby and taking care of his wife.
What do I think of my nephew? Well, me being the biased Aunt that I am, I think he is the most beautiful baby ever. But, that's just me. Now, I am not discounting the 6 nieces and nephews that Rodney came with. Andrew is just the first "blood" baby that we have in our family. For that, he will be the most spoiled rotten (being the first grandbaby for both sets of grandparents).
I will say that it is amazing to me that God made Andrew. I could just sit there and stare at the beauty of His creation. In fact, the other day I just sat there and stared at the little fella for a hour. God is good!Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Grief Share
What is grief? When/how should you experience it?
I'm sure you are probably wondering why I am writing a blog on grief; especially since my Grandmother passed away at the end of last September (not that long ago, but long enough to some). Well, because it is a part of our lives. I'm going to come out and say it: I am grieving right now, and it is okay that I am.
What? Me? Grieving? Yes!
It's amazing. I never realized this, but I have never truly grieved, at least in a healthy way, until recently. Thus, I am grieving for almost every loss I have ever had in my life right now. It is a process that I must go through and unless you are grieving yourself, you won't truly understand me.
But wait, Tamara, I have been around you recently and you seem so happy.
Well, yes I am happy. I am happy with life. But, that doesn't mean that, inwardly, there is nothing I am dealing with. Obviously, it is grief as I have already revealled.
So, let me explain.
My immediate family hasn't really lost anyone in about 10 years. However, we have dealt with losses. Whether it be a loss of a job, friend, mentor, church member, trust, and even debt and loneliness can be considerred a loss. When you combine all of these things, it is no wonder one might grieve in life.
Starting in about November, I joined a GriefShare class at church. I forsook my other Bible study to discover what I really needed. It was people who understood loss and could relate to me. As I started to study the books and videos, I realized that I was grieving more that just in the loss of my Grandmother. I always knew that I have a tender heart and tend to grieve when others grieve. Even with my choleric personality, I still feel sadness when others do, especially with my close friends and extended family. In fact, it is Biblical to rejoice when others rejoice, and grieve when others grieve.
Now, don't go feeling sorry for me. I am not wallowing in grief. My daily life isn't worse because I am grieving; in fact, it is far from being anything out of the normal. Mostly, the grief is in my head and heart.
I have gone through, probably, the hardest two years of my life. Whether it be through loss, finances, family matters, etc., I still have dealt with more than I ever have! But, I am inwardly peaceful about it all. It's just a matter of dealing with it emotionally. My faith struggled only minutely and waivered in a few instances (in terms of maturity), but overall, God has been good to me.
The healthy way of dealing with grief is not only associating yourself with people who understand (for example in GriefShare) but also with people who aren't dealing with grief (aka happy people kindof like my business partners). I move on in my daily life knowing that I, perhaps, will get over my grief faster than others, and that I can be an asset to my friends, family, and church through it.
It's the little instances that show me that I am moving on and recovering from the process of grief. I dreamed about my Grandmother (and she was healthy in the dream though she appeared momentarily). In my waking hours, I still tend to remember/picture her when she was sick. Thus, I still have a little bit of a ways to go, but it is better.
However, I am on the tail end, moving through the journey of grief!
I'm sure you are probably wondering why I am writing a blog on grief; especially since my Grandmother passed away at the end of last September (not that long ago, but long enough to some). Well, because it is a part of our lives. I'm going to come out and say it: I am grieving right now, and it is okay that I am.
What? Me? Grieving? Yes!
It's amazing. I never realized this, but I have never truly grieved, at least in a healthy way, until recently. Thus, I am grieving for almost every loss I have ever had in my life right now. It is a process that I must go through and unless you are grieving yourself, you won't truly understand me.
But wait, Tamara, I have been around you recently and you seem so happy.
Well, yes I am happy. I am happy with life. But, that doesn't mean that, inwardly, there is nothing I am dealing with. Obviously, it is grief as I have already revealled.
So, let me explain.
My immediate family hasn't really lost anyone in about 10 years. However, we have dealt with losses. Whether it be a loss of a job, friend, mentor, church member, trust, and even debt and loneliness can be considerred a loss. When you combine all of these things, it is no wonder one might grieve in life.
Starting in about November, I joined a GriefShare class at church. I forsook my other Bible study to discover what I really needed. It was people who understood loss and could relate to me. As I started to study the books and videos, I realized that I was grieving more that just in the loss of my Grandmother. I always knew that I have a tender heart and tend to grieve when others grieve. Even with my choleric personality, I still feel sadness when others do, especially with my close friends and extended family. In fact, it is Biblical to rejoice when others rejoice, and grieve when others grieve.
Now, don't go feeling sorry for me. I am not wallowing in grief. My daily life isn't worse because I am grieving; in fact, it is far from being anything out of the normal. Mostly, the grief is in my head and heart.
I have gone through, probably, the hardest two years of my life. Whether it be through loss, finances, family matters, etc., I still have dealt with more than I ever have! But, I am inwardly peaceful about it all. It's just a matter of dealing with it emotionally. My faith struggled only minutely and waivered in a few instances (in terms of maturity), but overall, God has been good to me.
The healthy way of dealing with grief is not only associating yourself with people who understand (for example in GriefShare) but also with people who aren't dealing with grief (aka happy people kindof like my business partners). I move on in my daily life knowing that I, perhaps, will get over my grief faster than others, and that I can be an asset to my friends, family, and church through it.
It's the little instances that show me that I am moving on and recovering from the process of grief. I dreamed about my Grandmother (and she was healthy in the dream though she appeared momentarily). In my waking hours, I still tend to remember/picture her when she was sick. Thus, I still have a little bit of a ways to go, but it is better.
However, I am on the tail end, moving through the journey of grief!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Baby Time
So, when do you think Andrew William will be born? Rachel's belly is so healthy (aka Huge!). I still think it'll be February 10th, even though her due date is not until February 23rd. I am ready for a little boy to cuddle and hold. Oh wait, that's Rodney. Hehe!
Anyways, post a comment with the date you think Andrew will be joining us on Planet Earth.
Anyways, post a comment with the date you think Andrew will be joining us on Planet Earth.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Good Friends, Good Times
God brings amazing people into my life. They have a profound impact on my life in many ways and they sometimes don't even realize they do! One particular person is my friend Sunny. Sunny and I met through the FriendSpeak Program at my church. She wanted to practice English on a more one-on-one basis, and I wanted to get to know a new friend.Crazily enough, our first ever meeting was cancelled because someone hit Sunny's car on her way to meet me. Finally, we got together and we formed a deep, personal relationship with one another. Even though she is "a bit" older than me, we bonded spiritually and relationally. We could share intimate details of our lives and struggles and love and support each other.
She probably taught me more than I truly taught her. I learned so much about Korea, culture, and what it is like to be a foreigner (even though I never thought of her as one) in America. She taught me, through her example, how to be a good wife, friend, Christian sister, prayer warrior, and mother.
Now, she is headed back to Korea. I can't say that I won't miss her, because I really will miss her A LOT. She is my sister in Christ and I am a better person because of her. I look forwards to keeping in contact and seeing her when she visits (her daughter will stay here) and when I can go see her in Korea.
I will be sad when she goes back and will miss our weekly meetings. She truly has a heart for God and wonderful spirit.
Sunny- Thanks for loving me for who I am and for your loving, Christian heart. North Carolina won't be the same without you! ~Tamara
Monday, January 08, 2007
Pregnant Lady! (Pictures)
My Beautiful Sister-In-Law!
Awww... cute future parents of Andrew William!
Crazy Daddies! (Well, Rodney is a Lovebird Daddy and Thomas is a soon to be Human Baby Daddy!)
This is such a cute picture. I love touching that belly! Hey, I have permission!
This is such a cute picture. I love touching that belly! Hey, I have permission! Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Crazy Antics!
Just another day in our lives!(Note the picture of BeBe trapped in our curtain scarf!)
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Got Two ASU!
28-17: ASU takes twoYes, champions.
AGAIN!
WooHoo!
It did get a little bit nail-bitting after they scored first and then we tied at 14. However, I have been speaking all week that we would win. And we did!
I feel proud to be an Appy once again. Not that I ever waned on being a proud Appy. It's just fun flaunting my alumnus status.
Anyways, I just wanted to flaunt it again.
On a side note, I can't believe I have been out of school for a full 3 years. Wow. That's weird.
Monday, December 11, 2006
How Great!
Hope is kept alive
As everyday we are made new!
Not once a year,
Or once a month,
Or even once a week,
But everyday!
As relational, beyond faithful, believers,
We live when death should become us!
Awaiting our eternal homecoming on the horizon!
How great are these new beginnings!
Washed Clean, the scarlet stains are gone!
Taken on for us…
Love beyond all, unconditional!
© TRM 2006
As everyday we are made new!
Not once a year,
Or once a month,
Or even once a week,
But everyday!
As relational, beyond faithful, believers,
We live when death should become us!
Awaiting our eternal homecoming on the horizon!
How great are these new beginnings!
Washed Clean, the scarlet stains are gone!
Taken on for us…
Love beyond all, unconditional!
© TRM 2006
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
The Story of BeBe
This is the story I submitted for a Pet Contest through the African Lovebird Society:
I never realized that there was something missing in my life. I was shocked when I realized it was my lovie, BeBe (Dutch Blue Pied Peach-Faced Lovebird). You see, I knew when I got married that I was marrying a parrot person. I had never owned a parrot in my life! I was under complete misconceptions about parrots in general. Then, we were approached with a decision to accept one of the smallest parrots into our family. Honestly, I had no idea what I was getting into and the love that I would experience for so small a life.
BeBe was a wedding present to my husband and I. He became part of our family in mid-October 2005. He was about 3 months old, but not yet weaned. The story goes that at the home of the breeders, BeBe had actually died. He got too cold and the man of the house saved BeBe by reviving him. BeBe had been almost weaned at that point, but reverted back to his baby stages and wouldn’t get out of them until he was almost 6 months old.
Some people would call BeBe spoiled. I would merit saying, instead, that he is extremely spoiled, well, and extremely loved. We consider him our child, so, in essence, we are normal parents in wanting to give BeBe the best life. People noticed a difference in him right away. Suddenly, we were breaking the bad rap that lovebirds had gotten. The exposure of sweet, loving, playful lovebirds was coming out through our very own baby.
BeBe has always had the most awesome toys. His cage is a plethora of stimulation. However, he remains outside of his cage most of the time. He loves his Penn-Plax playground and Hide-N-Peek Ball especially. Some people might call us extravagant in how we spoil our birds. I just call it a good investment into a long and happy life with them.
People are impressed with BeBe. Though he is small in size, he still stands out in a crowd of other birds. He knows a number of tricks and also how to get into trouble! He prefers to eat off of our plate and go down our shirts. That doesn’t quite work out when we have guests. In one instance, we had a couple over that we were friends with. I was called to rescue BeBe when he went down the shirt of the female guest!
He loves to give kisses. I suspect that if given the chance, he would just kiss me all day. If I ask him if he loves me, he makes a kissing noise at me. Sometimes you will catch him kissing every person he visits when we take him out. Another way he shows his affection for us is by regurgitating on us. Most of the time, it is him going through the motions rather than really anything coming up.
He loves to play “Where’s BeBe?” which is basically a version of Peek-a-boo. He has a great, unique call when he comes out and I say, “There’s BeBe!” It was that call that helped reunite us when he accidentally flew out the door.
After his first molt, we decided to let him keep his flight feathers for a little while. That was until I frightened him when I was putting a box outside my front door. Never in my life, have I been so upset and scared. He took off out and around our apartment building out of my sight. I dashed down the stairs and started calling his name in hysterics. Then I heard the most beautiful sound. He called back to me. Soon, BeBe was back in my arms. I truly didn’t realize how much I loved him until I almost lost him. Needless, to say, I was truly blessed to have him back as many people are not so fortunate.
BeBe loves to snuggle. He loves doing his tricks. One of the funniest antics he has is when he imitates a helicopter. He makes the chopping sound and moves around in circles. He also likes to imitate a circus elephant by trying to balance himself on a ball. He loves to play fetch, of course, as we “fetch” and he throws. We’ve been working on one trick for a year now, and I finally think he’s got it down. I ask him if he has fleas, and he pulls his little agile leg over his wing and scratches his head. Of course, his favorite rewards are verbal praise and head rubs!
We decided recently to share our little blessing by raising lovebirds with a similar demeanor. BeBe’s true quality comes out in how he is an example to the new babies. He pays attention to them and cares about them, even so much as to try and regurgitate to them. Many of our new babies have weaned faster by watching BeBe and his actions. He cares so much for other birds that he sometimes risks his own life to visit with birds much bigger than him! We all know, however, that lovebirds are big birds in little bodies anyways.
Most of all, BeBe has taught me how to love deeper and be more patient. We are his flock, his family, his mate. He has given me a new reason to get up early every morning, to play more, and has taught me how to be a better person. I think it is all in learning to love and care for the smallest of deliveries into our lives.
I never realized that there was something missing in my life. I was shocked when I realized it was my lovie, BeBe (Dutch Blue Pied Peach-Faced Lovebird). You see, I knew when I got married that I was marrying a parrot person. I had never owned a parrot in my life! I was under complete misconceptions about parrots in general. Then, we were approached with a decision to accept one of the smallest parrots into our family. Honestly, I had no idea what I was getting into and the love that I would experience for so small a life.
BeBe was a wedding present to my husband and I. He became part of our family in mid-October 2005. He was about 3 months old, but not yet weaned. The story goes that at the home of the breeders, BeBe had actually died. He got too cold and the man of the house saved BeBe by reviving him. BeBe had been almost weaned at that point, but reverted back to his baby stages and wouldn’t get out of them until he was almost 6 months old.
Some people would call BeBe spoiled. I would merit saying, instead, that he is extremely spoiled, well, and extremely loved. We consider him our child, so, in essence, we are normal parents in wanting to give BeBe the best life. People noticed a difference in him right away. Suddenly, we were breaking the bad rap that lovebirds had gotten. The exposure of sweet, loving, playful lovebirds was coming out through our very own baby.
BeBe has always had the most awesome toys. His cage is a plethora of stimulation. However, he remains outside of his cage most of the time. He loves his Penn-Plax playground and Hide-N-Peek Ball especially. Some people might call us extravagant in how we spoil our birds. I just call it a good investment into a long and happy life with them.
People are impressed with BeBe. Though he is small in size, he still stands out in a crowd of other birds. He knows a number of tricks and also how to get into trouble! He prefers to eat off of our plate and go down our shirts. That doesn’t quite work out when we have guests. In one instance, we had a couple over that we were friends with. I was called to rescue BeBe when he went down the shirt of the female guest!
He loves to give kisses. I suspect that if given the chance, he would just kiss me all day. If I ask him if he loves me, he makes a kissing noise at me. Sometimes you will catch him kissing every person he visits when we take him out. Another way he shows his affection for us is by regurgitating on us. Most of the time, it is him going through the motions rather than really anything coming up.
He loves to play “Where’s BeBe?” which is basically a version of Peek-a-boo. He has a great, unique call when he comes out and I say, “There’s BeBe!” It was that call that helped reunite us when he accidentally flew out the door.
After his first molt, we decided to let him keep his flight feathers for a little while. That was until I frightened him when I was putting a box outside my front door. Never in my life, have I been so upset and scared. He took off out and around our apartment building out of my sight. I dashed down the stairs and started calling his name in hysterics. Then I heard the most beautiful sound. He called back to me. Soon, BeBe was back in my arms. I truly didn’t realize how much I loved him until I almost lost him. Needless, to say, I was truly blessed to have him back as many people are not so fortunate.
BeBe loves to snuggle. He loves doing his tricks. One of the funniest antics he has is when he imitates a helicopter. He makes the chopping sound and moves around in circles. He also likes to imitate a circus elephant by trying to balance himself on a ball. He loves to play fetch, of course, as we “fetch” and he throws. We’ve been working on one trick for a year now, and I finally think he’s got it down. I ask him if he has fleas, and he pulls his little agile leg over his wing and scratches his head. Of course, his favorite rewards are verbal praise and head rubs!
We decided recently to share our little blessing by raising lovebirds with a similar demeanor. BeBe’s true quality comes out in how he is an example to the new babies. He pays attention to them and cares about them, even so much as to try and regurgitate to them. Many of our new babies have weaned faster by watching BeBe and his actions. He cares so much for other birds that he sometimes risks his own life to visit with birds much bigger than him! We all know, however, that lovebirds are big birds in little bodies anyways.
Most of all, BeBe has taught me how to love deeper and be more patient. We are his flock, his family, his mate. He has given me a new reason to get up early every morning, to play more, and has taught me how to be a better person. I think it is all in learning to love and care for the smallest of deliveries into our lives.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Promoted
My heart is absolutely broken. Again.
D.B. was promoted to heaven today and I can't help but feel it is unfair.
I look out at the stars through my paladian window and wonder why life has to hurt so much sometimes. I know that death is but a beginning, however, I am still here. I continue to remain, to endure. Not that I am planning on leaving anytime soon, but I do long for my eternal home. There I don't have to feel my heart break.
I loved him. I don't feel like loving such a small life is dumb. In fact, loving D.B. made me understand how to love better in all aspects of my life.
I can't sit here and not tell you that I don't have my feelings of upsettedness. Of wondering why or if we should continue to breed birds. I'm somehow not sure I can endure any more losses. Loss has become such an immediate part of my life over the past months.
I held him in my hand when he died. I was begging him not to leave his mommy. I told him I loved him and kissed him repeatedly. Yet, he still left me. Last night he gave me many goodbye kisses. Sometimes I wonder if God prompts me to have pictures taken of our babies' last hours of life. The same occurred when the other little one died. This one hurts more though. I poured my heart into him. Somehow I thought my love would help him survive today. More than anything, however, I believe my love helped him leave in peace and happiness.
I prayed a special prayer tonight. I asked God to put a hedge of protection over my other babies. Even my not so little babies. They are apart of my family and hold places in my heart. God put those placecards in my heart for them. My love for my babies comes out in all aspects of my life and teaches me to be a better and more patient person.
I also prayed to the Lord for Him to place my losses in the hands of someone to take care of them until I get to heaven and can take over the job. Somehow, I feel that someone, maybe Grandma, holds them close to her.
My babies are heaven's deliveries. I am not ready to give up. Somehow, our endeavor into blessing people's lives with a baby lovie to love will touch someone and make a difference. I even feel that we already have made a difference to people in the way we do love our babies. I hope we can pass that love on to others.
Until then, mis amoritas: I do love you... and I can't wait to hold you in my hand once again.
D.B. was promoted to heaven today and I can't help but feel it is unfair.
I look out at the stars through my paladian window and wonder why life has to hurt so much sometimes. I know that death is but a beginning, however, I am still here. I continue to remain, to endure. Not that I am planning on leaving anytime soon, but I do long for my eternal home. There I don't have to feel my heart break.
I loved him. I don't feel like loving such a small life is dumb. In fact, loving D.B. made me understand how to love better in all aspects of my life.
I can't sit here and not tell you that I don't have my feelings of upsettedness. Of wondering why or if we should continue to breed birds. I'm somehow not sure I can endure any more losses. Loss has become such an immediate part of my life over the past months.
I held him in my hand when he died. I was begging him not to leave his mommy. I told him I loved him and kissed him repeatedly. Yet, he still left me. Last night he gave me many goodbye kisses. Sometimes I wonder if God prompts me to have pictures taken of our babies' last hours of life. The same occurred when the other little one died. This one hurts more though. I poured my heart into him. Somehow I thought my love would help him survive today. More than anything, however, I believe my love helped him leave in peace and happiness.
I prayed a special prayer tonight. I asked God to put a hedge of protection over my other babies. Even my not so little babies. They are apart of my family and hold places in my heart. God put those placecards in my heart for them. My love for my babies comes out in all aspects of my life and teaches me to be a better and more patient person.
I also prayed to the Lord for Him to place my losses in the hands of someone to take care of them until I get to heaven and can take over the job. Somehow, I feel that someone, maybe Grandma, holds them close to her.
My babies are heaven's deliveries. I am not ready to give up. Somehow, our endeavor into blessing people's lives with a baby lovie to love will touch someone and make a difference. I even feel that we already have made a difference to people in the way we do love our babies. I hope we can pass that love on to others.
Until then, mis amoritas: I do love you... and I can't wait to hold you in my hand once again.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Through the Eyes of the Babe
Light, sounds
Entrance into a world so cold
Love felt
Strange surroundings
Smell of Hay
Wrapped in warm swaddling
Faces, many Faces
Grand, kingly gifts
A star, shining brightly o’er top
Worship
Foretold for many generations
Young virgin mother
Angels heard on high
Born to die, yet bring life
Purposed for salvation
© TRM 2006
Entrance into a world so cold
Love felt
Strange surroundings
Smell of Hay
Wrapped in warm swaddling
Faces, many Faces
Grand, kingly gifts
A star, shining brightly o’er top
Worship
Foretold for many generations
Young virgin mother
Angels heard on high
Born to die, yet bring life
Purposed for salvation
© TRM 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Pregnant Bellies
Life, recently, has been quite joyous. Despite the heart-wrenching toast that made half the table cry at Thanksgiving at Grandma's house for the last time (thanks Dad!), our family, I think, is generally happy.
Many of you know that my husband and I don't want kids (yea, still!). However, I do not think it is wrong for me to enjoy other people's pregnancies. The first pregnant belly I ever touched was a friend of mine's, Robbie's. I just asked her one day at church, and I just thought it the most interesting thing ever.
Now, before your start thinking it, I won't just touch any stranger's pregnant belly. That, truly, is out of bounds.
None of my immediate family has ever been pregnant and in close proximity, until now! Rachel is about 6 months pregnant with a boy (Andrew William) and with a proud daddy, my brother, Thomas. I guess you could say she is the 2nd pregnant belly I have touched.
I would tend to say that Rachel and I are close. I mean, we ARE family and all, but she is my sister-in-law and wife to a brother whom I am very close to. Thus, by default, we are close. The neatest thing is that she invites me to touch her belly (I do give warning!) pretty much all the time.
I felt Andrew kick for the first time on Thanksgiving day. That was an experience. I mean, my hand moved and everything. He's got one heck of a kick!
I never really realized what pregnant tummies felt like until I touched one. I guess I assumed that they were squishy and jiggly. But that's really not the case at all! They are actually quite firm! It is the neatest feeling to touch a pregnant belly and know that there is a living little person in there.
I put my ear to her belly and couldn't hear anything. We even tried a stethoscope and really just heard a lot of liquid swishing and maybe a very faint pitter-patter. The little one only weighs a little over 2 pounds, so I suspect we'll hear more when he gets bigger.
She is due in late February and we are all excited! My Mom is still not sure she's ready, especially since she has no grandma budget yet. What grandma really has a budget anyways?
By the way, Andrew was thought to be Maria Grace for a full month until the last ultrasound. That's when the nurse admitted to a boo-boo when spotting Andrew's family jewels. I just know that my Grandma is just laughing from heaven about the boo-boo as she knew it before us!
Pregnant ladies really have a lot of say in life. If she wants to eat this, then we all go there. If she needs a nap or rest, then she does it. Nobody thinks twice if a pregnant lady has something to say or wants something. We just go with the flow. That is pretty much a given and Rachel has the right (she is so reasonable!)! It does take a lot of BTUs to bake in that oven (the womb!)!
I know what some of you are thinking. "Oh, she's talking her way into having a kid." No, in fact, I was pretty much scarred from wanting to have one when I ran my first EMS call. Really, enjoying and watching others go through a pregnancy is fulfilling enough of that call of nature!
Many of you know that my husband and I don't want kids (yea, still!). However, I do not think it is wrong for me to enjoy other people's pregnancies. The first pregnant belly I ever touched was a friend of mine's, Robbie's. I just asked her one day at church, and I just thought it the most interesting thing ever.
Now, before your start thinking it, I won't just touch any stranger's pregnant belly. That, truly, is out of bounds.
None of my immediate family has ever been pregnant and in close proximity, until now! Rachel is about 6 months pregnant with a boy (Andrew William) and with a proud daddy, my brother, Thomas. I guess you could say she is the 2nd pregnant belly I have touched.
I would tend to say that Rachel and I are close. I mean, we ARE family and all, but she is my sister-in-law and wife to a brother whom I am very close to. Thus, by default, we are close. The neatest thing is that she invites me to touch her belly (I do give warning!) pretty much all the time.
I felt Andrew kick for the first time on Thanksgiving day. That was an experience. I mean, my hand moved and everything. He's got one heck of a kick!
I never really realized what pregnant tummies felt like until I touched one. I guess I assumed that they were squishy and jiggly. But that's really not the case at all! They are actually quite firm! It is the neatest feeling to touch a pregnant belly and know that there is a living little person in there.
I put my ear to her belly and couldn't hear anything. We even tried a stethoscope and really just heard a lot of liquid swishing and maybe a very faint pitter-patter. The little one only weighs a little over 2 pounds, so I suspect we'll hear more when he gets bigger.
She is due in late February and we are all excited! My Mom is still not sure she's ready, especially since she has no grandma budget yet. What grandma really has a budget anyways?
By the way, Andrew was thought to be Maria Grace for a full month until the last ultrasound. That's when the nurse admitted to a boo-boo when spotting Andrew's family jewels. I just know that my Grandma is just laughing from heaven about the boo-boo as she knew it before us!
Pregnant ladies really have a lot of say in life. If she wants to eat this, then we all go there. If she needs a nap or rest, then she does it. Nobody thinks twice if a pregnant lady has something to say or wants something. We just go with the flow. That is pretty much a given and Rachel has the right (she is so reasonable!)! It does take a lot of BTUs to bake in that oven (the womb!)!
I know what some of you are thinking. "Oh, she's talking her way into having a kid." No, in fact, I was pretty much scarred from wanting to have one when I ran my first EMS call. Really, enjoying and watching others go through a pregnancy is fulfilling enough of that call of nature!
Monday, November 13, 2006
D.B. & Angel (and then some!)
All 3!
Angel- the last one we will keep.
You're not Rodney!
flapper!
D.B. is our nickname since he is sold already
Evee on Daddy's collar... note the fluff hanging over
proud parents
Dewey & Sierra
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