EMT

So today was my first real day on duty with my EMS station and what a day it was! I got up quite early this morning and got on duty at 7am (until 6pm).

Things started out a bit slow as one of the Paramedics was late (he slept in and forgot he was supposed to be there). Our first chores include checking off the trucks. I met a lovely gal named Jennifer who is a volunteer paramedic-in-training who took me right under her wing and started showing me how to check the truck off. She was doing it quite fast from memory (very impressive--- something I'll have to do eventually as a test). Then, she handed the sheet over to me for my own practice.

Before I could even get the front cab and the first side door done, I was shoved into Medic 2 with Doug and Larry. It was my first call and I was really nervous. When we got into the truck, I could hear over the radio that a 32 year old mother was giving birth in her bathroom. The baby was crowning (it's head was coming out)! What an awesome first call-- I would get to welcome a new Christmas baby!

The ride over was actually quite frightening. I thought for sure the truck was going to turn over as Doug drove the truck crazily through traffic with sirens and lights blaring. I have never gone that fast on urban roads before!

Over the radio we then heard that the baby had come already! This was her second and he just didn't want to wait... literally. When we got there, we just strolled into the house and up the stairs where the firefighters had already arrived and started patient care. Apparently, they always beat us to the location on calls. Grandma was holding the new baby boy named Sam. Dad seemed a bit concerned, and Mom was on the floor in pain as the placenta had not yet been delivered.

Baby Sam was getting a bit cold, so Doug took him out to the truck and wrapped him in towels and hot packs. We then loaded Mom in a stair-chair to get her down the stairs and onto the stretcher. Finally and quickly we were off to the hospital with sirens blaring once again and a new born baby in my arms. I have never held a newborn before, so that was quite a joy. Here I was, welcoming him into the cold and bright world. His purplypink fingers were so small! He kept kicking in his blanket, so I had to keep rearranging the oxygen tube on blow-by in the blanket for him.

I then carried little Sam into the hospital completely covered for warmth. We walked right into a delivery room where I saw the confirmatory reasons why having kids may not be for me. I watched as the doctor pulled out the placenta and then sewed poor Mom back up! Despite it all, Mom and Baby will be fine!

What amazes me the most is how Doug was with Mom. He really stepped in holding her hand and supporting her. He would tell her to breath and just was so wonderful. Finally, Dad got to the hospital and Doug allowed him to take his supportative spot. The most rewarding part of the call was when the family thanked all of us, including me, by name.

We did a total of 3 calls today, which is quite a busy 11 hour shift, but not as busy as it could be. We helped a 49 year old man get to the hospital after falling from a spasmed disk in his back and even talked about his and our dogs to keep his mind off the pain. When you can find something to relate to the patient with, you can truly connect and carry out patient care to the fullest extent. We also cared for a 5 year old boy after being on coverage for another station. Really, the boy was scared after falling on a rock and lacerating his knee. I tell you what, riding an ambulance is expensive. If you don't have to, or need to, please save yourself the money and drive yourself or the hurt patient. Especially if that person just needs a few stitches and is not bleeding to death.

I learned a lot today. I even sat down with the chief and learned the hand-held radios. It was an incredibly awesome and tiring day, and I enjoyed every minute of it.

The Lord of the Rings

Man, I love the Lord of the Rings. This is probably why I've never really gotten into Harry Potter (I've never made it past the 1st chapter... I may try again). Now, that's not to say that I hate Harry Potter because I did like the last movie (perhaps it was the new director). However, there is just no comparison to Lord of the Rings.

As you might know (Dan and Carrie especially), The Return of the King came out on Special Edition today! I told everyone that I just couldn't wait until Christmas and not to buy it as a gift for me. So that means another trip to Walmart where I might be tempted to buy more than just that one DVD (sorry girls--you know who you are--, I can't help myself!). Honestly, I am just so excited that the long awaited release has come.

Now why do I adore these movies and books? They definitely have a great director and author. I do like looking at the cast of hotties. But, the story is what always comes out beyond everything else. Its a story of struggles, temptation, humor, fantasy, war, love, strength, and friendship. It's just a great balance of all of those aspects. I laugh, I cry, I get anxious, I get into all of it. What other movies and books will do that to you?




I have to say that I was never such a fanatic until I met my friend Dan. He is more of a Lord of the Rings fanatic that I am now. He is a tough battle when it comes to trivia! We had an unofficial competition about how many times we saw the movies in the theater. He won for the Fellowship, I won for the Two Towers, and we called it a draw for the Return of the King. All in all, I saw the Fellowship 5 times, the Two Towers 6 times, and the Return of the King 7 times. Pretty sad, eh?

My favorite character by far is Aragorn. Who wouldn't like a strong man with a sword who loves, cares for others, fights for good and is a handsome king! Fighting is so natural for him and Viggo is a great actor for the part. It's funny to think that he didn't know anything about the trilogy when they asked him to fill the part (his son actually loves the trilogy and wouldn't let him turn the part down). I even have a setting on my phone named "Aragorn."

I definitely think they cast very well for all the characters in the movie. It is always nice to see a movie based from a book. It helps me to give the characters a face as I read the books and engages me more in the story.



So, I do own lots of paraphernalia. I own calendars, figurines, books, & collectibles. I am always on the lookout for other collectibles. I am kindof of sad that I haven't had a movie to look forwards to this year, and I do hope that Jackson does the Hobbit.

I would definitely call the Lord of the Rings triology my favorite movies of all time. I compare all other movies to them. Much praise to Peter Jackson and Tolkien!

Christmas Traditions

Many families these days have their traditions. Our family is not an exception to this rule. They say that once a couple has children it is time for that family to start traditions. Most of the time that means staying at their house for Christmas first and foremost. I do think it is imperative that a couple discuss what kind of traditions that they will follow once they are married.

A major tradition that my family has is cutting down a live, fresh Christmas tree at the local Christmas tree farm. What, you might say? There are Christmas tree farms in the suburbs? Yes, there actually is one right on the outskirts of the city. We've been going there since I can remember. Nowadays, it takes way less time to pick out a tree than it did when we all were young. The latest tree we picked was much different than before as we picked a fir instead of a pine-like tree. Also, it took the whole of 15 minutes to pick it. Then, there's the traditional "Timber" when it falls. We then all decorate it together with lights and many different ornaments.

Another tradition we have is to put up lights out the wazoo. My brother, Thomas, is the one who is always in charge of putting up (and of course taking down) the lights. This year he put up approximately 5500-6500 lights on the house and around the bushes. It literally looks almost exactly like the Griswold's house in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (man, I love that movie!).

Speaking of lights, on Christmas Eve we drive all around town looking at all of the lights that are put up around town. There is one farm outside of Winston Salem that I go out to with Rodney every year now, sort of our new tradition. By the end of Christmas Eve, we are pretty much tired of riding around in a car so then we move on to our next tradition.

We always open up one gift on Christmas Eve, chosen by one of the other family members. We just don't know which to expect, but we all have usually already staked out which one we would like to open before Christmas Eve.

Rodney's family always gets together the weekend before Christmas for a gift exchange and a White Elephant fun exchange. Over the past years, it has gotten quite a bit smaller after Rodney's grandparents passed away, but it is still great fun as we always see new and interesting weird gifts (usually the ones that Kathy- Rodney's step-mom- gets). We all eat and enjoy each other's company.

When we were little, Santa would always choose a couch or chair to put our individual gifts on. Each one of us would hope that we got the couch since it always seemed bigger. Mom and Dad would take forever to get out of bed as we ached and peeked into the living room illegally. As we got older, we started to enjoy sleeping in and would just bother each other only if it got to be 10am or later.

Mom always puts out little snacks before our "thanksgiving type meal" and we always enjoy hot cider (Mom's special recipe). We hogged Grandma for about 20 years until my baby cousin was born, so now it is pretty much just the immediate family on Christmas day as she is in Atlanta. We usually also wait until after opening all the presents under the tree to open the stockings.

Well, everyone has their own traditions. These are ours. If you have any great traditions, please pass them along (leave a comment!)!

A Poem....

God’s Goodnight Kiss

Radiant colors paint the sky
as the impending darkness’ fingers grasp the horizon
A pure ecstasy of light
passionately drawing dreams and reality closer together
A taste of heaven
gracefully calling its beholders to such a sight
A gift of beauty
piercing the eyes and hearts of the witnesses
Unspeakable desire
to hold the love portrayed in a single moment
Extraordinary strokes on a canvas
softly blending the simplicities of life
Exquisite happiness
expressing a desire to feel like this forever
Eternity for a brief second
as the clouds break the purity of its art
God’s goodnight kiss to the world
the splendor of the setting of the sun

inspired by: Rodney

Fall 2000

Why I Got Hooked......

Have you ever wondered why I got hooked on Mission work? I wrote this story in February 2000 after my first mission trip to Honduras:

The Meaning of Life Through a Smile

All I had to repay them were Dum-Dum lollipops, stickers, and hugs.
“Este es un regalo,” they said. They recognized me only because I had won the spaghetti-eating contest the night before.

I was sitting on a rock pile, taking a break from the 100-degree sun. Suddenly, a flood of school children entered our work site, entranced by the “gringos.” My hands, red and blistered through leather work gloves, hurt as I shifted myself higher to get a look at them. They wore uniforms made up of matching white shirts with a school patch on the pocket and navy pants or skirts. As they tried to help, I realized all they needed was attention.

As I cooled myself with a spray bottle fan, the children gathered around me. As their eyes tried to solve the mystery of a misting fan, I foolishly attempted to explain how it worked. Then, for fun, I pretended to forget that dirt coated my hands. As I wiped some of the water off my face, it dripped down my chin, and a mud pie formed from my sweat. The children giggled. Then I showed them how it worked and squirted them. Some of them, frightened, would back away while others cringed to hold their position best when I pulled the trigger. Without words, they trusted me.

Their thoughtless trust hit my consciousness like a stone flying from David’s sling. It killed my definition of trust, as I knew it at home. I pondered whether or not I understood real trust. I didn’t have faith in my own instincts most of the time and lost wonderful opportunities as a result.

They talked to me and told me stories of their day. Then all but two little girls moved on. Since I could speak Spanish, I had an advantage. Later, I would call it a disadvantage when I became so attached. I felt like a movie star. They wanted to know all about me. As I told them, I grew ashamed of my many material possessions.

The children in Honduras had dark hair and dark eyes with skinny arms and legs, but what I saw was on the inside. Their innocent souls were worth gold, as was their love for everyone around them. They were the teachers, I the student. When I looked at them I tried to see myself in their position but my innocence had left me long ago. I could never be them though I wished I could.

A hair clip adorned one of the little girls little black strands of hair. It was a simple but beautiful clip decorated with a small glittery butterfly.
“That’s pretty,” I said in Spanish.
The little girl looked surprised and smiled at me. That’s when she took the clip out of her own hair and slid it into my hair as gently as a mother with a comb to her baby’s head. I was confused at first, thinking she just wanted to see what it looked like in my hair.
I then asked, “Tuyo?” trying to figure out if that was the case.
“No, suyo.” It was mine. But why? She had so little, and this was probably one of her prized possessions, yet she was willing to give it to me. My eyes started to glisten with the tears about to spill over top the dam. Her simple gift meant the world to me.

“Gracias,” I said thanking her and giving her a hug. The other little girl stood in front of me and held her hand out. She opened it so slowly and tenderly, like she was holding a feather that she was afraid was going to get caught in the very next breath taken and blow away. In it was a pair of two more butterfly clips.

I was honored. To receive such a thoughtful gift had become rare even in the United States. I didn’t understand why they thought so highly of me, and it was only because I told them that they were pretty. The little girl took the clips and slid one into each side of my short light brown hair, delicately checking and moving them so that they were even on both sides.

I didn’t know what to repay them with. They only things I had with me that day were lollipops and stickers, so that is what I offered them. Their eyes lit up like the sun coming out from behind the clouds as I held the gifts before them. They hadn’t expected something in return, but to me, my gift was not a sacrifice. To give was an instinct to them. I was the rich person, giving a small percentage of what I had, while they were the poor woman, giving two pennies, their one-week’s wages.

Tears flooded my face out of happiness and sadness. I was so happy to be in that place at that very moment, but I was sad because I could not stay in Honduras forever. I wish I could have taken them with me, just so that I could take care of them. They had already taken care of me. I had never seen so many sincere smiles in my life. These people, a lot of them living in poverty, were happy with their lives. I then understood that I was not happy with my own life. I wore a permanent mask, hiding my inner being. I could gain the whole world and never be happy.

It was hard for me to express myself emotionally to those girls. When the Honduran people described me they said I was physically strong for a woman. Physically strong is the only thing I am. On the inside I was torn to pieces. My heart was scattered amongst the characteristics of my life, but never fixable in my eyes. Yet, here I was seeing a solution that I could not even put together in my own life. I looked directly into the eyes of my soul as looked into the children’s faces. I had only waded ankle deep by myself.

“Tu eres muy bonita.”
“Yo?” I asked. How? I was not beautiful. Inside, a hideous monster was waiting for the right moment to jump out and flaunt my worldliness. Before now, however, this monster was my actual self. My desire to gain back my innocence, fought to restore the child within me. To be true to myself I would have to be like the children in Honduras: blind to the world that could carry away their happiness.

As I sat in the back of the trucks as we drove away, I could not take my eyes from their faces. Our final goodbyes were the hardest for me. I did not want to leave. I was leaving my dream. I wanted to be free from all the pain of the world. It hurt to think of how I live. The stars, so clear at night here, beckoned me to explore the infinity of my soul. They painted the sky showing that I had no limits. I needed to be who I am. I was made a star, but would never be one. I could not thank the children enough for just showing me what was truly important in life. It was the way I lived my life and how I affected the people surrounding me that I needed to consider.

For the rest of my trip in Honduras, I kept those clips in my hair. I only removed them when I was washing my hair or sleeping. They were a part of me now. When I got back to the states, I knew I would not be able to wear them all the time in my hair so I put them on a shiny silver chain around my neck. I wore this necklace for quite some time. They hung next to my heart reminding me how I need to live my life and the innocence I need to have to only live. Torn between my true self and my dream, I left a part of my soul there in Honduras.When those children smiled, I felt like I had a true purpose in life.

People say true happiness can only be found if you truly feel it in your heart. I have daintily nibbled at the plate without even experiencing happiness’ taste. Happiness is when you feel as though you have a real purpose in life and you have done something to change the world even if one smile is what comes from your efforts. One smile…

Giving Thanks

So, even though I know it's past Thanksgiving, I decided to go ahead and give my thoughts on what I am thankful for.

First and foremost, I am thankful for God. I am thankful that I have a place in heaven because of His son. I am thankful that He created me as I am.

I am thankful for Rodney. I couldn't have asked for a more charming, wonderful man to spend the rest of my life with. He makes me happy. He inspires me and he has such a wonderful talent for composing music that touches everyone that hears it in some way or another. He has a loving heart and takes care of me. He has made me a better woman.

I am thankful for my Mother. She is a beautiful, loving Christian woman who has taken care of me through thick and thin. She is an example to me and teaches me everyday how I should live better. She loves me even when I disappoint her. She is a great cook and always is willing to listen when I need her. I have great pride in having her for a mom.

I am thankful for my Father. He is a great Christian leader in Church and at home. He makes me proud and always shows me how to be a better person. He gives advice even when I don't want to hear it and helps me no matter what. He shares his life with others while helping them. He loves me unconditionally.

I am thankful for my brothers. They both are wonderful men. They take care of me and straighten me out when I need straightening. They always give me a different, sometimes better, perspective on things. They kill bugs for me and fix my computer. They will make wonderful husbands and fathers someday (should it be God's will). They love me as I love them.

I am thankful for my extended family (grandma, aunts, uncle, cousins). They bring happiness with them when I see them. I can't stop smiling in their presence and they always care about what's going on in my life. They are a blessing to have and I always enjoy seeing them.

I am thankful for my friends. They take care of me and listen when I need them. They let me cry on them and encourage me. They keep me in line and even when we haven't seen each other in awhile, everything still feels the same. They support my dreams and help me strive to reach them. They love me for me and accept (and forgive) my faults.

I am thankful for my pets. They always bring joy into my life. They make me laugh and make life more interesting. They will let me snuggle with them and they let me hug them. They always have an open ear!

I am thankful for Rodney's family. They have accepted me as part of the family since the start. They are a wonderful group of people and I always enjoy spending time with them. They have let me take Rodney away from them! I am so blessed to have wonderful future in-laws.

I am thankful for my job. I have such great bosses. They really make the work environment interesting and inspiring. They let me babble on and put up with me. I enjoy going to work. I love interacting with students.

I am thankful for my church. They are a huge resource and are more of an extended family. The people care about me and what I am up to. I feel comfortable there and the love of God shines through them.

I am thankful for my car. I am thankful that it is paid off with the help of some awesome, loving people. I am glad it gets me where I need to go even when it has its quirks.

I am thankful for God's creation. Without the beauty that surrounds us life would not be nearly as interesting or gorgeous.

I am thankful for my life. I am glad God created me the way I am, unique. I am blessed to have been raised in a loving, Christian environment. I am thankful that I can breathe this very moment and that I am healthy.

I could go on and on.....
What are you thankful for?

Peanut

My dogs are really cute, at least I think so. Peanut is the newer addition to our family as we adopted him last year. He is now about 3 years old:

Peanut!

He is a Jack Russell/Rat Terrier and everyday he never ceases to crack me up! Here is some Jack Russell info:

Jack Russells ...
... are bred to go underground, following scent to locate and bark at quarry until they are dug down to or the quarry bolts. If they do not have an outlet for their natural instincts, they will invent new and fun jobs for themselves, which frequently include guardian of the world and/or their possessions and family, chasing cars, hunting birds, bugs or leaves, or endlessly digging in the soil.
... are a big dog in a little body. They have the same need (or more!) for exercise as a much larger dog... and the mentality to match -- they think they are at least 150 pounds, and are fearless, often challenging other dogs three times their size.
... are commonly known to harass, injure or kill other small pets, such as cats, birds, rabbits, mice, rats, etc., simply due to their strong natural hunting instinct. Raising a puppy with a cat does not guarantee the cat's life-long safety!
... absolutely need a securely fenced yard! Jack Russells will roam due to their hunting instincts.... even if left in an unsecured for a few minutes! You can let them out every day for three years with no trouble....but one day they will disappear and may never come back. Many JR's have been killed by cars by darting into the road in pursuit of a squirrel, cat, etc. They can also dig under, climb or jump over fences; some can climb trees and any height chain link fencing.
... can be very destructive if left unattended and unemployed! Most behavioral problems are due to a lack of companionship, discipline, activity and exercise. If you've only seen perfect, well-behaved JR's, they are ones that were lucky enough to be exercised, well socialized, and trained.
... require firm, consistent discipline. They are extremely intelligent, continue to test their limits throughout their life. More often than not, train their owners before the owner knows what has happened! This ability to train their owners can include displays of aggressive behavior. Their assertive nature must be understood and handled properly!
... are NOT as they are portrayed in the movies, on TV, or other forms of media. Those dogs are professionally trained and handled, and are very obedient only for VERY short periods of time. Celebrity dogs have their needs met by the trainer, and perform their jobs accordingly.
... require a long-term commitment to obedience, activity, exercise and entertainment... their unique character, intelligence and high energy level can frustrate you, will undoubtedly entertain you, and can bring you great joy (when they're happy!) or great grief (when they're not!). Jack Russell Terriers are always a work in progress!

Peanut certainly has some quirky behavior. First of all, we all think he is ADHD. However, upon further research, apparently every Jack Russell Terrier is. He also likes to howl. He'll howl for attention, when he wants to go out, and most hilariously when he has a ball in his mouth (thus, it is a cute muffled howl). He likes to rip apart stuffed animals and de-stuff them (our other dog Sophie who is a Jack Rat does too). One time, we left him inside and forgot about a tissue box that he could reach. Needless to say, when we came home, there were tissues everywhere as he had "de-stuffed" the box!!!!

The latest Peanut hilarity was just yesterday when I awoke to my mother screaming "Bad Peanut, you can chase them but not kill them!" You see, Peanut has a tendency to chase squirrels and birds. This apparently is Peanut's self-designated job. With no warning(normally we bang on the door to give them time to escape), one poor squirrel became Peanut's championed gift to us. As he tried to bring it inside, mom caught him! This happens to be unfortunant squirrel #3.

Peanut actually recognizes the word "Squirrel." He will run to the door in excitement and bark to be let out. In fact, I would say that he is obsessed with going out. He also knows how to jump and roll over. The jumping part is the scariest as I have watched him jump ten feet down to the ground from our deck.

He is a cutie and I would have to say that the quiet moments are the most lovable. He doesn't give kisses to just anyone, and I am one of the priviledged few. It's the moments when he is snuggling with me or sleeping at the end of the bed that I love. But I also love to see him and Sophie (our other dog) play tug-o-war. Overall, if you haven't met my dogs, you are certainly missing out!

Sophie (silly! she's really not mean!)

Living for Today

So what is it about today? Well, first of all, you are alive. So what is it about tomorrow that has everyone worried? Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Ok, great, but I have a hard time not worrying about tomorrow. However, it's about letting go. The best thing you can do for tomorrow is live in the moment that you are in right now. Life is beautiful. Life is a blessing. Life is good.

No matter what, there is a plan laid out for me. Even if I don't believe it. There is a certain timeline for everything in my life and I have to trust it. Grace is the gift given to allow me to live right now.

There is beauty in everything that surrounds me. In the sky, in my loved ones, in the fall colors, the cool crisp breeze, in the stars. We tend to overlook the beauty right now for a fear or worry of tomorrow. This is a true travesty.

We must cherish the time we had, have, or will have with our loved ones. In a blink of an eye, we may lose them. Thus, living in the moment, right now, with them is the key. This is our blessing. Show them the joy that you have for them.

Love, joy, peace, beauty.... all the things we are blessed with.... take it in and enjoy it.... in this very moment!


In dedication to Evelyn Littleton, loving mother of 4 beautiful children (her legacy), wife, and faithful, Christian woman. Rest in peace sister. (October 2, 1958 - November 11, 2004)

Origami

You never realize what can calm you, help you procrastinate, or even help you break a habit until you find that one thing and you realize that it is that one thing. So, my boss, Karin, who is one of the most awesome bosses anyone could have, got me hooked on a new hobby. I call it a hobby because, yes, I have spent money on it... Probably about $40. I have discovered the art of origami, better known as a form of fancy paper folding.

Ok, now for some history:
Origami is the Japanese art of paperfolding. "Ori" is the Japanese word for folding and "kami" is the Japanese word for paper. That is how origami got its name. However, origami did not start in Japan. It began in China in the first or second century and then spread to Japan sometime during the sixth century.

At first, there was very little paper available so only the rich could afford to do paperfolding. The Japanese found useful purposes for their origami. For example, the Samurai would exchange gifts with a form known as a noshi. This was a paper folded with a strip of dried fish or meat. It was considered a good luck token. Also, the Shinto Noblemen would celebrate weddings by wrapping glasses of sake or rice wine in butterfly forms that had been folded to represent the bride and groom.

For centuries there were no written directions for folding origami models. The directions were taught to each generation and then handed down to the next. This form of art became part of the cultural heritage of the Japanese people. In 1797, "How To Fold 1000 Cranes" was published. This book contained the first written set of origami instructions which told how to fold a crane. The crane was considered a sacred bird in Japan. It was a Japanese custom that if a person folded 1000 cranes, they would be granted one wish. The origami crane has become a global peace symbol.

So my crane count: 5. I have a long way to go until I reach 1000! The reason my crane count is so low is probably because I really like to make other shapes. The dining room table has become a zoo with a pig, cranes, a toucan, a macaw, a cat, a dog, several frogs, a whale, a penguin, a duck, a swan, a scorpion, a turtle, a peacock, a pelican, and a fish. I also have some lilies and a pinwheel. My favorite ones include the three-headed moat monster and the macaw. There is no way that I have exhausted my origami possibilities!

What's exciting about folding paper you may say? It's the feeling of accomplishment and beauty that you have after you finish your work. It's also distracting me from my bad habit of biting my nails. It picks at my brain and helps me to figure out complex puzzles. It is frustrating sometimes, but it is teaching me patience!

So, keep your eyes open for fun, pretty origami paper. Let me know if you see some, that way I can get it and make something, maybe for you (just ask!). If you would like to see my gallery, you'll have to come by my house!

Confrontation

I tend to think of myself as "non-confrontational." In fact, I cannot stand confrontation! Someone always seems to get hurt, whether it be them, or me. My dad and my brother, Thomas, are really good at telling me what I need to hear when I am even considering confrontation. Sometimes, I even get angry at them for "calling me out." But, in the end, I know it is best for them to do that for me and for whom ever else.

Take for instance, this one time that I was in a theater. There were two people behind us that were chit-chatting the entire time! Now, for those of you who know me, you know that that is one of my biggest pet peeves (other than people who do not respect my pillow--- c'mon! That's where I lay my face!). I turned to Thomas and told him I was going to say something to them at the end of the movie. Well, he turned to me and said that that wouldn't be a very Christianly thing to do. He knew that I wouldn't probably do it in a loving way. Man! Talk about knowing that I do not handle confrontation well!

I tend to get on the defensive when I am confronted. Everyone who knows me, knows that too. I also try not to have any confrontations in front of other people. I know that it makes others feel uncomfortable and offended. Thus, because I don't always handle confrontations well, I tend to avoid it. This has been the way that I always am. Now, I am not afraid to state my opinion, but I need to learn how to not make that into a confrontation.

I feel that I am a very approachable person, and I think that most people think of me that way. The reason I feel this way is because a lot of people DO approach me. I know that I haven't always been that way, hence roommate problems, and I am sorry that I was and am difficult to approach at times. But, honestly, if you want to talk to me about something, please know that I have an ear of confidentiality. Through my studies, I have learned that to listen is better than to judge and gossip anyways. In fact, I will not judge you if you have something in your life that you think that I will. Through Christ, we have been united in love, not judgment.

Know that I am human, and that I do make mistakes. I can't be the perfect Christian that God wants me to be. I will try, and trying is the best I can give because I am a sinner. I also know that I am forgiven. The ultimate confrontation was Jesus and his confrontation with our sins. He overcame it in the flesh and spirit. My ultimate example is Jesus. I need to understand that I need to look at every opportunity of confrontation as a possibility to show my love for that person, rather than a power struggle. It's hard not to want to go on the defensive, as that is our human nature.

All I can do is ask God to help me to overcome the temptation of making a confrontation a justification of my opinions, thoughts, and life. Jesus taught that confrontation was a way to reconciliation through love, not sin. And that, my loved ones, is what I need to learn.

God's Will...

Sometimes I just don't understand. Why do certain things happen? Sometimes things just don't turn out like you would expect.

I had been struggling the last couple weeks with the idea that I could lose my teaching position. The original science teacher had come back, and somehow I just didn't feel welcome anymore. I felt like I was inconviencing her. I just stuck through it hoping that over time things would change. I also had hoped, in the best interest of the students, that I would finish the semester with them. Well, that all changed on Tuesday (yesterday). My boss had sat in on my teaching and just raved about my teaching style. She felt like I really had connected with the students in the way that I teach and that I had the energy to keep them engaged.

Then came the, "But unfortunantly...." I was upset, I was confused, and I had a hard time understanding. How could a program whose goals are to retain students, help them attain their goals, and maintain a stable learning environment allow such a "travesty" as some of my students put it? I strove to maintain a positive and encouraging attitude while inside I hurt. I think that some of my students also picked up on it. They even went out immediately after class, got a gift and some cards for me and gave them to me to express their thanks for all that I have done and will continue to do. They are the reason I chose to sign a contract for the fall!

The scary part of this all is how comfortable I have felt teaching the students. I loved spending time with them, teaching them, sharing in their lives, and encouraging them. I believe in them and know that they have much potential.

This all occurred the night after attaining my new volunteer position with the Cary EMS. This whole thing excites me. They are a department that I will enjoy learning new things from. They are excited about having me, especially with my Spanish-speaking ability. I know that I will definitely be an asset.

So, what is God saying in this whole thing? By giving me peace about my teaching talents and abilities, is He telling me my future road will contain something in connection to that? Or, perhaps He is giving me more time to dedicate to my volunteer position? Maybe this gives me time to focus more on Him? Is He telling me He wanted me to see that I could use my gifts in a noble profession such as teaching? Or is He just humbling me after so richly blessing me with the opportunity to spend time with a group that I could influence with my spirituality? Besides, He was the one who gave me my job and the opportunity to work with such a bright group of students.

Either way, I am blessed. He closed one door (or at least shut it part way for now) but opened a new one. Truly, I understand why I am not in Medical School for the fall. I couldn't have asked for a better year off. The Lord has blessed me with abundant opportunities for Him to use me. I depend on Him to get me through all the ups and downs and He will lift me up out of this newest one. The students have expressed their gratitude and adoration, yet they are the ones who have affected me more than I have affected them (this I believe).

Ask God to use you and He will. I know this because he has used me and will continue to do so.

God is in the Small Stuff

Have you ever noticed that God is in everything that you see, do, touch, and experience? It took me a long time to notice God in the small things. I never really prayed for him to be in the small things until I first noticed Him there.

The first time it occurred to me was when I was walking from the music building at ASU back to the dorm with Rodney. I looked up and noticed the brilliant oranges, reds, pinks, and yellows in the sky as the sun was starting to set. In awe, I told Rodney how beautiful the sight was. What he said to me was intriguing. He said, "Well, that's God's good night kiss to you." What an amazing thing to say. Yet, it was so evident and true to think about. Then, I thought some more and realized that God must kiss us Good Morning while we sleep (or at least while I sleep).

From that moment on, I started noticing God in the small things. He was in the beautiful fall colored leaves, he was in the cool breeze, the beautiful blue ridge mountains, the clouds. It was an amazing thought to realize that God had put this all here for our enjoyment.

God also plays a role in so many small instances. I once needed to take my car back to my designated parking spot up a mountain on campus and realized that I probably needed someone to go with me being that it was getting dark. However, no one was around who could. So being the bold person that I am, I decided to take it up there myself and walk down the path to get back to the dorm. As I drove up the mountain, I realized it was getting too dark for me to walk down by myself and that I was going to call the escort service to come pick me up. As I walked to the front of the parking lot, the escort service pulled up before I even touched the phone. He said, "Are you the one going to Gardner?" Now, I was in shock. I told him yes and got on. When I got back to the dorm, I inquired amongst my neighbors, who might have called for me and no one owned up. It was as if God had called the service for me just so that I could get back safely!

Most recently, I have spent more time thanking God for the being there in the small things. When I took the MCAT again in August, I was nervous the morning of and when I pulled up to the testing center, there were two squirrels frolicking in the trees (maybe operatives of Thomas, hehe). It made me smile and chuckle, and also brought a peace to me. I had spent an entire summer studying for the MCAT and was truly blessed to have met someone who loves Christ just as much or more than me in the review class. I think that that is why God put me there over the summer, to meet Nateefa!

It is such a joy to share in the love of God with others. It's easy to pray for big things to happen as events occur, but I find myself asking God more to reveal himself to me in the small things. I've gotten to the point where I know that if I ask God to give me a good night sleep and wake me up refreshed in the morning, it happens!

Something as simple as a six year-old's prayer can be God there in the small things. I babysat a little boy named Brandon, who when we said prayers together amazed me with how much better of a prayer he is than I. His prayer went something like this:

Dear God,

Thank you for this good day.

I pray that I can have a good night's sleep

and have another good day tomorrow.

I also pray that Miss Tamara can have a good night's sleep

and a good day tomorrow.

Amen.

And, Amen that is Brandon! God put me in the room for that small, touching experience. Where have you seen God in the small things recently? He's there. Just ask Him to reveal Himself to you! I did, and what immense blessings he has doled out upon me!

My Personality

I would have to say that I have changed a lot over the years, especially when it comes to my personality. In elementary school, I was in between shy and outgoing, probably closer to shy. I didn't understand a lot and I guess you could say, I was mostly a good girl. I only got in trouble twice at school. They were circumstantial and never occurred again. My personality doesn't fit the bad girl style.

After elementary school, I gained some weight (right before the growth spurt and puberty). I become a "goody-goody" and remained somewhat shy. It probably had to do with the fact that all the popular kids made fun of me all the time. I was baptized at the young age of 11 and that I was trying to be "Christianly." I had my embarrassing moments and I just felt like I didn't fit in. My closest school buddy moved away at the end of my 8th grade year, leaving me nobody to go with into high school. I had my crushes, but was never confident enough to admit them. I was definitely an insecure tomboy as most would put it.

Over the summer after my 8th grade year, I finally had my growth spurt. With it came a little more confidence, but I was still pretty shy. I seemed to fit in more with the boys, and, in fact, it was a boy in my 9th grade geometry class that poked and prodded me out of my shell. He would always turn around and ask, "Why are you so quiet?" or say, "You need to talk more to me." Slowly I talked more and more and it wasn't until my 10th grade year when I expanded my friend circle by meeting a gal named Andrea that I really came out of my shell. I also tried out for the volleyball team and made it, which helped me keep the baby weight that I had had off. I became flirtacious and quite a bit more confident.

By the end of my high school career, I was a confident talker who should've stood up more for her beliefs. However, I enjoyed popularity for the majority of my high school years. Popularity at Enloe H.S. is quite a bit different from other schools, as there were clicks, but being popular just meant being well-known, liked, and having lots of friends. Friendships spanded over many different circles just because Enloe was a gifted and talented school and brought kids from all over the county. The funniest (or most ironic) part, in my opinion, from my change in personality and body type, was that a lot of the middle school boys who had made fun of me at Ligon had crushes on me at various times during my high school years.

Then came college and the years after. I can't say that I didn't have my wild times, just because I wanted to flaunt my confidence and flirtaceous personality. I was also a talker and still am (except when I am around people who talk more than me). There were many a times when I would call my buddies and leave messages on their machines, but would have to call back a second time to finish.

The biggest lack in confidence that I had was when I allowed myself to be run-over by my first roomie, just because she had a stronger personality than me the first year at ASU. She had moved in early and had things arranged the way she wanted and I had allowed it without showing her my disagreement. Over time, the little things started to get to me, and the first time I stood up for myself led to an argument. Finally, we just decided to change roomies. I can't say that I really meshed well with my second roomie either. Things always seemed to go okay the first semester, but downhill the second. I think part of it had to do with dating relationships, but it was mostly due to personality clashes.

Unfortunately, I have always been one to hide my anger, except with my family, until it is ready to burst. It did one year at camp with Beth, one of my best buddies. Funny thing is is that I wasn't really mad at her. It just seemed that way in the argument. I was just tired of everyone running over me. Now when Beth and I have an argument, it's a matter of standing one's ground and honestly, we've only ever had that one huge argument. We both didn't budge and stood our grounds! That was a revolution for me!

Admittingly, I hate that, in my immaturity, I have gotten selfish and angry at times and always seem to take it out on my family, or my loved ones. Maybe it's because I want to maintain a reputation and because they will still love me. But those are NOT good reasons! I am much better now, but I still have my moments.

As many know, especially those who did the video scavenger hunt, I have gained confidence in dealing with strangers. I still would rather have someone do stuff for me, but I have realized that that hardly happens (my parents make me do everything for myself for the most part). I don't mind going up to a complete stranger and asking them something. I am still cautious, but I don't worry too much about how complete strangers will perceive me. I just want to be me.

I do tend to put other's needs first, before my own, in which sometimes I feel burn-out. But, I know in order to be Christ-like, I must not focus on self. I have a tender heart for people I love, and some people I don't even know. When someone hurts, I tend to hurt too. I cry a lot more now. I used to not allow myself to cry except in extreme circumstances, but now I cry even in some commercials! I think being my being more girlie and emotional comes from being in love.

Well, this is me. I hope you're not too scared and that you still want to be my friend!

My Fiance

So I thought it was about time to let you all know who my fiance is really. Honestly, he is a great and wonderful Christian man. The best thing about him is that he makes me happy. I can't say that we haven't had our ups and downs, but I can say that we were friends first.

I met Rodney Carlyle Money my freshman year in college on the Wellness floor. He lived on the opposite side. I first knew him by name. I kept seeing all these signs around the floor that said, "wrong side, Rodney," or "this is the girl's bathroom, rodney." I pondered on these weird signs for quite some time before finding out what it was all about. I first laid eyes on him when I crutched my way off the elevator into our lobby a week after school started. Here was this goofy guy, sitting on the couch with a backwards black taxicab hat talking about playing trumpet. Well, that peaked my interest because I play trumpet too! After getting to know each other and going through the saga of getting together, we started a relationship.

That relationship has since blossomed into a future marriage. He said he knew he was going to marry me not too long after we met. I, however, knew God was trying to say something to me after many, many prayers for my future husband, but was cautious. I am happy to say that I love him and being with him.

Rodney is an interesting guy. First of all, he is a music composer. He is not just any ordinary composer, however. He is an amazingly talented composer! He finds some way to touch everyone in the audience of the performances of his pieces. In fact, when he asked me out the night we started dating he hooked me with a piece he wrote and sang to and for me. You can ask anyone who has ever heard his music! Amazingly enough he has already made money composing lots of commissions and even can claim fame to an alma mater he wrote for a high school in the county he is from.

Next, Rodney loves parrots! Parrots are his hobby, but I have created a love in him for dogs as well. I encouraged him to apply for a position at the humane society near Appalachian State, and he has saved many animals. Parrots are his first love because of a parrot named "George." George was a wonderful pet of his (his favorite) before college. Heartbreakingly, he had to give up all his parrots when he went off to college. He has a way with parrots like no other person I have ever met. He actually has helped me gain confidence in my dealings with parrots. And, yes, we will have parrots and Jack Russell Terriers in the future.

Thirdly, Rodney is an amazing teacher. He may not see it right now, but he will make a great teacher in the future. He has already touched the lives of many high school kids at Cannon Music Camp. I know this because of the way the students interact with him. They adore him. I know that he will not have any problems getting a job in the future!

Fourthly, and most importantly, Rodney loves God. He loves God more than music, parrots, his family, and me (this is the way its supposed to be). I am blessed to be marrying a man who has faith in God and lives to glorify Him. He glorifies God in his music and in his life. I love praying with him and studying the Bible with him. It is such a blessing to worship next to him during church or devotionals.

Fifthly, he has a very large family. We have been through a lot together especially when it comes to his family. He lost all of his grandparents in the time that we have been together. I was there for him. He was there for me during my Mom's cancer as well. I love his family. They are truly a wonderful bunch of people, who also love God dearly. My family is very small in comparison, so it has been a slight adjustment. I was first exposed to his large family the first Christmas after we started dating. They took me in as though I was already part of the family and I loved it!

Rodney has a blended family. His mother passed away when he was ten of cancer. In fact, he was her miracle child as she had him while she had cancer. The doctor even told her to abort him. But, thankfully, she decided to have him. His father remarried some time later after she passed away.

Rodney's friends are a great crowd. I am thankful to know them and enjoy their company. I am glad that they have allowed me to steal him away so much! I even think of his bestest friends as my brothers because they tend to take care of me like a sister. They have never created stress for me as they accepted me into their lives. Thanks guys!

I could say so much more about Rodney, but you can just ask me! I hope that you, if you haven't already, can meet him someday.

Cancer

Cancer is a terrible ordeal for anyone to go through. I am constantly praying for someone who has cancer and that disturbs me. Why is cancer such a common thing? Our world is being overrun by cancer and I wish there was some way to cure it.

Lately, cancer has been on my mind quite a bit. My mom had cancer last year. I was so distraught at the news. She is too young, I thought. Why is this happening? I just thought I could never understand why. I even questioned God. I had been praying diligently since finding out about the cyst on her ovary that it wouldn't be the big "C." Then, when the doctors announced that it was, I got angry. I got angry at the cancer and I got angry at God. My mom didn't deserve this.

My grandma (my mom's mom) passed away 7 years ago on my Dad's 40th birthday. She had lung cancer. I remember feeling like the diagnosis was so sudden. She was in the hospital and I remember the doctors saying they were going to put her in hospice care or care for the terminally ill. That was just a few days before she passed away. My grandma was one determined lady. Even in the hospital, she insisted on putting on her own makeup. I remember the last time I saw her. Her makeup was all crazy while she slept! I had major respect for her desire to do things for herself, for her independence. We had expected her to live quite a bit longer than she had, but God called her home.

When my boss, Karin, announced that her mom had cancer, I couldn't believe that another person that I know was dealing with the epidemic. Her family had been through it quite a bit already. The best thing I knew to do was to pray.

Then, the secretary at church's daughter (Brenda) got cancer. What you must understand is that Victoria is the sweetest woman you will ever meet. She trusts God unconditionally and knows that He will take care of them no matter what. She is a Christian woman who teaches me the value of putting my hope in the Lord.

Last night, one of my best friends, Andrea, dealt with a loss due to cancer. Her grandma passed away from lung cancer. It touched my heart that I could be relied on by her for comfort. When Andrea told me that her grandma was dying, I had flashbacks to my own grandma. I was able to give her comfort because of my own experiences. My heart hurt for her and her family. You see, when you are one of my best friends, you might as well accept that you are family. Thus, when you hurt, I hurt.

All is well in with my mom these days. When the surgeons went in to remove the cyst, they removed the cancer as well. It was a torturous 3 days waiting for the results of the tests to see if it was all out. Then, God put me in the room with my mom the day the doctor came in with them. God woke me up and said, "See, all is well when things are left in my hands." My mom didn't even have to have chemo. Many people had prayed for her and us and God answered them.

God is in control. We must, "Let go, and Let God." He can bring comfort in these times of trial. I do as much as I can by praying, giving a shoulder to cry on, a tissue, or a card, but, ultimately, God will take care of us.

My DVD Collection

So, I have a ridiculously huge DVD collection. I would make a list of all the DVDs that I have, but that would take too much time. I have almost 80 DVDs and that is way too many for the amount of money that I make. I always make up excuses to buy DVDs. Take for instance the Disney DVDs that come out. They are only out for a "limited time" and then they get put back in the vault for ten years!! And, I always want the collectible cardboard covers! I guess you can say I get hooked in by all the advertising.

I am one of those people that you might call a "movie junkie." I could be completely happy just going to movies all the time! If I had enough money, I would go to every movie that seems interesting (Rodney can't stand that!). Instead, I spend all my money on DVDs that I watch once and then pull out occasionally.

My latestest additions include Aladdin and The Day After Tomorrow. My excuse for buying the previous one was the fact that I plan on showing it in my class (see 1st paragraph for Aladdin). On top of all that, Walmart always offers a cheap introductory price that is usually $4 cheaper. Just think, after 3 DVDs, I have enough to buy one more... Dope! There I go again. Always excuses.

A normal typical woman these days is obsessed with buying shoes, clothes (I have a little obsession with clothes), and accessories (such as purses). But no, I can't be a normal woman. Thankfully, since I don't have enough money to go and see every movie I would like to in the theater, I can actually get out and exercise rather than sitting on my butt, eating popcorn, chomping candy, and drinking a slurpie. But then again, I need an accountability partner to get me going on the exercise thing too (hopefully Bridget and Beth S. will be that).

I can tell you why I have certain DVDs, such as the Lord of the Rings, because those are my favorite movies in the whole world. Then there are the chick flicks that every girl must have, including When Harry Met Sally. I love films that are symbollic such as Signs (in fact I love M. Night Shyamalan's films). I love drama, such as The Last Samurai. I love Sci-Fi, like Star Wars. It's the films such as Collision Course and others that I don't know why I have. I mean, I do know why I bought them, such as the fact that I love one particular actor/actress, or the Croc Hunter, but half of them are not that good anyways. One thing you won't find in my collection are Slasher films. I cannot stand watching a human chop another human up. If it's an alien, then that's ok because its definitely not reality.

The point of all this is that I need some self-control when it comes to my DVD collection. If I know I want one, I need to stick to that one when I go to the store. For instance, I went to Walmart the last two Tuesdays (because that is when they put out the new releases) and instead of buying the one I was there to buy, I bought three extra last week and one extra today. Again, I made up excuses such as, they were so cheap, or I need them. Sigh, no self control.

Well, after all this raving and ranting, I just thought that a couple of you out there might hold me accountable. That, or you could just borrow some of my massive collection!! They would get more use that way anyways!

Teaching

Today, I almost had a revolt on my hands. Or was it a bunch of students "having cows?" I'm not sure, but whatever it was, they did not like the announcement that I had to make. The normal science teacher is being forced to come back. On top of that, she is being forced to come back in the middle of the semester. Now, I am not saying that I am a better teacher than her, but c'mon, my students are used to my teaching. It is not a smart thing to change up the teaching style in the middle of the semester, especially for the students.

I made the announcement in both classes and all them couldn't help but groan, complain, and whine about it (which is ok). There is really nothing that we can do. Many of them said, "Oh no, now I'm definitely gonna fail!" They think that the other teacher will not understand them like I do. So, let's get into a little bit of my history.

I grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood and I loved it! I had no concept of race until I came back from my first day of kindergarten. I had been playing with all the kids in my neighborhood without one single thought that they were different. As far as I was concerned, we were all just kids. I think school can ruin a child's innocent concept of the world. Now, I am a hard strung advocate for school, so don't get me wrong here. The first thing I told my mom when I got home after that first day was, "Mommy, did you know that Keylan was black?" Absolutely hilarious!

My first real card game was "tunk" and I only knew how to play rough-out basketball. Needless to say, I was useless in a "rules" game of basketball. I would foul out so quick because I was used to a game where we could hit, punch, and foul out whenever we wanted. I played tackle football in the field across the street. We played Ninja turtles with all the neighborhood kids. I always wanted to be Michaelangelo, but since I was the only girl, I always had to be April (boo!). My first "peck" of a kiss came from a little black boy after I, April, had been captured by "Shredder."

Unfortunantely, things changed. Jamal down the street started dealing drugs. Wesley got shot. Ronnell got put in jail after he robbed a convience store. Keylan started having kids at 14. It was sad, but that was the stereotype of the day, and most of the kids I grew up with fell right into it. By the end of our time in the neighborhood off of Granite Street, I didn't even feel comfortable going to the door from the car. Gunshots didn't phase our family anymore. The first time my fiance' visited our house, he about had a cow when he heard two different guns go off. The fact that I could identify it was two different guns was frightening.

Well, with this background, you can only imagine how well I actually can relate and understand my students. This is, perhaps, the reason why they enjoy having me as their teacher. I not only teach them Science, but I strive and push them to succeed. This is the ultimate job of a teacher.

I can only pray that I can finish out the semester with these students. I do not want them to fail and I will do everything I can to get them to succeed. Probably one of the best incentives I have ever come up with is putting the names of the students who have made at least one 'A' on one of my tests up on the bulletin board outside my classroom. As one student said over the summer, "It took me 26 years to get up on the board." Even today, one of my students made her first 'A' on the test and started celebrating about her name getting up on the board.

Teaching is rewarding, and I never thought I could be good at it. I attribute my gift's development to God, my mom, and my college teachers. Without good teachers, I would have never known how to reach the most students that I can. I pray for my students by name and I know that they have it in them to succeed!

Wedding Stuffs

So, I'm starting to get really annoyed with all the companies contacting me about the wedding services they offer. I mean, come on! I just got engaged at the end of August and they expect me to have planned it already. The other really annoying thing is that I have to keep correcting all of these companies in the pronunciation of my name. It is not "ta-mare-ra" or "tomorrow!" It is pronounced "Tam-ra" and that rhymes with "camera."

You might call me weird, but I have never truly laid out my wedding dreams since I was a young girl. Yeah, I thought about it, but I never made a decision on the colors, the flowers, etc. One thing is true: I have always desired to be married in the church that I grew up in. I do get it for free and it is the only place that would fit everyone (Rodney and I know a lot of people), but those are just the perks. Since they remodelled, things are just absolutely gorgeous now. All I have to say is, "Thankyou Jesus! The nasty, pukey, yellow carpet is gone!"

One thing I do have is my dress. It is beautiful! Jen and Beth were extremely helpful in helping me narrow down the best styles for me a week before I bought my dress (thanks girlies, I love ya). The next week, I had three lovely ladies, including my mom, help me pick it out. I can't say that when I got the pictures back I didn't have any second thoughts. However, the more and more I think about it, I know that it is the one! Here is a preview: it is strapless, white, and has beautiful embroidery. Other than that, I will have to tell you more via email (Rodney might be reading this). I did get it at David's Bridal, so I can send you a link.

Well, I am pretty much set on who is going to be in the "Bridal Party." We have all the groomsmen and I am thru asking my bridesmaids. I know who the ring bearers are (yes, I have 2) and the flower girl. I even have a director and an assistant director whom, by the way, were the other 2 lovely ladies who helped me pick out THE dress. I think I want to do an apple red for the bridesmaids dresses which is an absolutely gorgeous color of red. It is not "fire-engine red" but deeper and darker. Plus, I think it will look gorgeous on all of my bridesmaids.

I officially have one person with the title "maid of honor" but technically speaking I will have 3. It was excruciating to choose someone, because I love all three of my bestest buddies equally. So, I compromised, allowing all three the "maid of honor priveleges." I know that they are all going to take awesome care of me on the special day.

I am still trying to figure out the list of things I have to have or do before I get married. I don't have the list yet, but I can check off something blue and something old. Julie Anna and Frank got me a beautifully, hand-embroidered hankerchief from an antique shop. I adore it, and I plan on stuffing it in my bouquet on THE day.

Well, that's all I have for you for now. Glad you made it through!

Welcome!

So I finally decided that something like this online blogger would be a good thing for me. It will allow me to actually express myself in a way that I usually don't get to. Plus, you can get to know me better. I will try to keep up with it, but don't expect me to post everyday! I hope that you will enjoy this or at least not get too freaked out!